Thursday, October 30, 2008

October 30, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


I have zero tolerance for racists - black, white, brown, yellow, red, or even green (only e.e. cummings fans will get the last color) - and anyone who has spent more than an hour with me as a partner, parent, pastor, professor, police chaplain, or president of a youth football league knows that.

You can check out the etiology in my non-best-selling-which-is-why-the-Caliber-still-ain't-mine-and-there-ain't-no-chrome-pony-in-the-garage Fifteen Secrets for Life and Ministry which you can order via which means I won't get a penny or order it via my agent whose e-mail address is confidential unless you're going to buy it or float a loan at an interest rate commensurate with sanity.

Moretheless, I served in a predominantly black church in Toledo, Ohio for a while; and while playing golf with two black buddies - a judge and Pepsi distributor - I whined, "I just don't get it. She hates me because I'm white. What's up with that?"

Simultaneously, after a short it-takes-one-to-know-one dramatic pause and stare, they said, "She's just ignorant!"


Speaking of 11/4's predictable outcome, I'm gettin' a little tired of PBHO's disciples saying people who vote against him are stupid, bad, and racist.

I'm gettin' tired of Keith Ubermacht, Jack Overcaffeinated, Stephanie Mudslinger (though she's hotter than SP), Campbell Innocuous-When-It-Comes-to-Ratings, and Oprah the Baptist (Matthew 3:3) heralding the chosen one and saying a vote for one of Snow White's seven dwarfs (viz., Grumpy) betrays the need for shock treatment, anger management, or mega-doses of St. John's Wort.

Yeah, I know PBHO is the chosen one and JM is the latest in the long line of great white hopes; but, just for the sake of disclosure, can't we just all get along and admit nobody's that perfect except the incarnate one?


I forgot they think he is that, uh, one.

Hands off!

Heads off!

Pass the Kool-Aid!


Speaking of lies, the OGD, who knows a lot more about a lot of things besides TULIP which will come as a shock to the theologically confused, identified the three great lies of our time: (1) "Of course, I'll respect you in the morning!"; (2) "The check is in the mail!"; and (3) "I'm from the Federal Government, and I'm here to help you."

PBHO is not as bad as his antagonists are advertising nor as pure and perfect and godly as his sycophants shout.

JM, uh, uh, uh,...

Is JM still running?


I've had three bets for almost ten months that JM beats the chosen one; and for the eschatologically bent, bad guys beat a lot of good guys during the tribulation.

You can interpret that last sentence from almost any weltanschauung and feel good about yourself.

Be that as it is or may be, one of the few bravehearts left in my franchise wrote, "I've got two words for you: Dewey Wins!"

Now I'm up to four bets: "Let's make this interesting. If BHO wins, I will cook dinner at my house for you and your lovely wife the likes of which you've never experienced before. If JM wins, your wife cooks. That sounds sexist. I shouldn't assume you're not a gourmet cook."

Election 2008 proves we should assume nothing because it makes an...


Speaking of assumptions, SP's sycophants - She is hot; though not as hot as Stephanie Mudslinger! - assume Mrs. Super-Christian is the paradigm of faith and morality.

Well, uh, I've checked the records of charitable giving for the final four via and; and the, uh, disclosure is head-turning.

According to all released tax returns, the following percentages of income given to charity: JM (23.1%); SP (2.4%); PBHO (2.2%); and JB who is not from Scranton, Pennsylvania (0.2%).

I guess PBHO is serious about spreading "their" wealth around; because he sure ain't spreading his around.

Neither is the hot but not as hot as SM SP.

And in a blast from the past, Philanthropy Today reports: "Public attention to charitable gifts has led to unpleasant moments for many prominent political figures. Al Gore was mocked in 1998 when he was VP for having reported charitable deductions of only $353 on his tax form, while then-President Bill Clinton drew criticism for claiming deductions on donated underwear and socks."


Staying on facts at the expense of feelings, check out this week's edition of Army Times which polls military preferences for Election 2008.

Summarily, it's gonna be tough for PBHO to, uh, command the respect of our armed forces; and that's even after CP was converted to the chosen one.

He may have converted enough folks to make it to 1/20/09, but he sure ain't convinced our women and men in uniform.

Of course, they're stupid, bad, and racist; or deceived by stuff like


This just in from a deeply embedded source in the DNC!

Presumptive PBHO cannot decide whether it's gonna be LF, FF, JJ, or JW for the inaugural prayer; though they're designing an interlinear Bible/Koran for the swearing in.


And in a related story, 50 Cent and Madonna are working out the kinks in amending Hail to the Chief: "...every knee shall bow, every tongue confess, that PBHO is..."


Staying on racism, former NBA star Charles Barkley told Campbell Innocuous-When-It-Comes-to-Ratings, "The only way they [JM/SP] can win this election is make it about race. That's the only way they can win it."

I agree; and so does Murtha the redneck-baiting Pennsylvania Congressman.

After all, Election 2008 is more about feelings than facts.

So if PBHO does lose, which seems highly unlikely to everyone who really knows like the disciples listed in the second section of this KD, it's because America is still dominated/damned by the stupid, bad, and racist.


Speaking of stupid and bad and maybe racist, BBC is reporting Led Zeppelin may reunite for a tour without Robert Plant.

Say what?

That's like mainline churches forgetting Jesus is still Lord and the Bible is still a Christian's authority on all matters of faith and morality.



Speaking of omissions, why won't The Los Angeles Times release that videotape of PBHO attending a 2003 party for Palestinian-American Khalidi who hates Israel?

Why does PBHO keep so much from us?

Why can't I look at his birth certificate, schooling records (viz., high school, college, and law school), relationships, and...?

Ah, there's probably nothing there.

People who are hiding stuff usually have nothing to hide; kinda like those guys in Beemers who use public telephones at gas stations rather than their traceable cellulars.

"Nothing to see here!"


From a friend: "If Huizenga and other wealthy people took care of the poor like they are called to, the government wouldn't have to and his taxes would be less."


Of course, if our family of faith had just quarter-tithers, we wouldn't have to beg for $ to expand to be a safe haven for folks who are increasingly brutalized by our culture.

He asked, "I'm curious as to what you will write about after 11/4?"

Good question.

Easy answer.

With so many idolatries in our ecclesiastical and uncivil culture - folks are just bent to idolize their professors, pastors, politicians, and pop icons before they demonize 'em - I think there's gonna be enough material to eventually make it to...

It's like the late Dick Lane who worked pour moi in Kansas City used to say, "With so much sin around, you'll always have a job."


Speaking of sin, I'm still dealing with my own.

I know I'm wrong about lots of stuff; as my subscribers and parishioners are so quick to point out.

There's always a lot to think about if, uh, you're still into thinking; unless, of course, you just want to stay stupid, bad, and racist.


Blessings and Love!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

October 28, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


It's been three years and I'm still praising God for the staff that I inherited in our family of faith.

One of 'em, typically underappreciated and undercompensated in the mainline's consonance with RCs to impose a vow of poverty on ecclesiastical employees, asked, "Is next Monday or Wednesday best to go out to lunch to celebrate my birthday?"

I responded, "Wednesday is better because Monday is a hump day when I work on a longer KD which no one reads and a sermon for Sunday which few hear."


I was reminded of the ignorance and apathy which have become the hallmarks of Election 2008 as well as mainline denominations.


SP spends almost as much for her VP wardrobe as BHO/JB have designated as the income of fatter crackers ($150,000).

MO spends almost as much for her afternoon snack of lobster and Iranian caviar at NYC's Waldorf Astoria on 10/15/08 at 4:00 p.m. as I chuck over for my monthly contribution to Chrysler and Visa ($447.39).

It's the common refrain of Election 2008: "Trick or treat!"


Speaking of trick or treat, BHO or JM will be elected President in a week.

Actually, it's all over but for the counting according to The New Mexico Sun News: "Obama Wins!"

It's a bi-monthly rag and its 10/26-11/8 issue had to hit the streets before 11/4; so they decided to take, uh, a leap of faith and declare BHO the winner.

According to, "The liberal leaning alternative newspaper ended by imploring its readers to get out and vote 'even if we did spoil the ending for you.'"


Anyone remember 1948?


JM says the last 72 hours of modern elections determine the outcome.

Maybe that's why he hasn't started his campaign yet.

He's waiting until it's almost over before it's over.

Yeah, that sounds like his campaign thus far.


Mainliners aren't the only ones having problems with constituents who haven't made the connection between Biblical faith and modern morality.

Bishop Rene H. Garcia is running an ad in English and Spanish: "This is Bishop RHG, reminding all RCs that they must vote in this election with an informed conscience. A Catholic cannot be said to have voted in this election with a good conscience if they have voted for a pro-abortion candidate. BHO is a pro-abortion candidate."

Bishop W. Francis Malooly, who was installed as Bishop of Wilmington [Delaware] last month which comes as a relief to Delaware Senator/VP JB who isn't from Scranton, Pennsylvania, wrote in The Wilmington News Journal (10/26/08), "JB presents a seriously erroneous picture of Catholic teaching on abortion. He said, 'I know that my church has wrestled with this for 2,000 years'...This is simply incorrect. The teaching of the Church is clear and not open to debate. Abortion is a grave sin because it is the wrongful taking of an innocent human life."


Mainline churches are awaiting JB's letter of transfer.


Speaking of Joe the non-Scrantonian, you gotta watch him and Murtha the redneck-baiting Congressman on SNL:


O.K., some mainliners still love Jesus and respect Biblical authority.

Dr. Robert Gagnon, a Pittsburgh Theological Seminary professor, comes to mind.

Take a look at

Here's a tease in his own words: "Regardless of how one votes on election day, it is important to be aware of how BHO interprets Scripture to fit his political views and what kind of impact this will have on..."


Joe the Plumber is voting for JM because "a vote for BHO is a vote for the death of Israel."

Now that's really extreme.

C'mon, Joe!

I know lots of Jews who are voting for BHO.

They've assured other Jews that BHO's friends who have held fundraisers to support Islamic terrorists dedicated to Israel's destruction will lighten up just as soon as President BHO has a sit-down with 'em.


Does anyone remember Dietrich Bonhoeffer or Martin Niemoller or that Neville what's-his-name?


I know nobody remembers The Theological Declaration of Barmen.

It's no longer required reading in seminaries or churches.

Just ask the OGD what happened to TULIP; and don't say you don't understand the first clause of this sentence or The Westminster Fellowship is gonna get you!


A sarcastic subscriber is happy that I'm praying His best graces for BHO.

He said he's been praying for BHO in the spirit of Fiddler on the Roof.

Anatevka villager to rabbi: "Rabbi, is there a blessing for the tzar?"

Rabbi: "Yes...Lord, bless and keep the tzar...far away from us!"


From Roll Call (10/27/08): "DNC Chairman Howard Dean said...that he's looking forward to one party controlling all aspects of government despite GOP charges that it would be disastrous."

Dean said on MSNBC, "Republicans had a chance to rule. They failed miserably. I think it's time to give the other party a chance."


The GOP has done a miserable job.

I feel much better putting everything into the hands of BHO, JB, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi.


Miami Dolphins owner H. Wayne Huizenga wants to sell the team before 1/20/09: "BHO wants to double the capital gains tax, or almost double it. I'd rather give it to charity than to him."

I've always said sports are a metaphor for life.

Go to and look it up under Golf in the Real Kingdom.


Speaking of charity, do you know how much JB, JM, BHO, and SP gave to charities last year?

KD'll let you know as soon as somebody leaks the information to moi; but I've heard it'll be a stunner for folks waiting for their handouts from...

Remember, if you want to know what a person really believes, take a look at her/his checkbook.


Another tease regarding days after 1/20/09:


I got a request to be dropped from the official KD list of subscribers: "I hate you because you make me think! I hate to think about what's going on! I hate to hear you being so negative about everything but Jesus!"

It reminded me of the business manager who I had back in Kansas City: "Pastor, will you look at how beautiful those polished and buffed tiles look in the narthex? It's a shame that it'll all be scuffed up on Sunday."

Ah, yes, ignorance and apathy.


Blessings and Love!

Monday, October 27, 2008

October 27, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


Hans Cornelder spent the weekend with our family of faith.

He's the visionary, founder, and editor of which is the best source for clear, concise, comprehensive, and, therefore, contentious information related to the PCUSA, sister mainlines and sidelines, and global Christianity.

What he said reflected what you can read when you subscribe to; which, unlike KDs, requires a modest subscription fee.

It's worth your time and $; which, again, is unlike KDs which require nothing but a right pinky with a little dexterity to hit the delete button.

Moretheless, here's how I introduced him - just a byte/bite - to the few presbyters, officers, and members who still care about all of the hell happening in the PCUSA at a breakfast on the corner of Lincoln and Main in Belvidere, Illinois: "If Election 2008 has taught anything to us, it's that America is severely divided along partisan lines; and the PCUSA, which mirrors so much of the world today, is severely divided. Being a Presbyterian pastor, people don't expect me to talk about politics or religion; but I'm still pleased to introduce Dr. Cornelder to folks who still want to know what's going on so they can respond in a Christian kind of way."

Or something like that.


Speaking of religion anyway, there's an important distinction between Christian and Muslim behavior which our government, media, and mainliners don't want to admit because it would upset the emotionally fragile Muslims as well as their ride through Disney singing, "It's a small world after all..."

Crusaders chopped off heads for Jesus and Muslims chopped/chop heads off for Muhammad; however, Crusaders who chopped off heads weren't following the irenic spirit of their leader/Lord Jesus while Muslims who chopped/chop off heads for Muhammad were/are following the polemical spirit of their leader/lord Muhammad.

Christians who actually read the Bible know Jesus never advocated chopping of heads for Him.

Muslims who actually read the Koran know Muhammad advocated chopping of heads for him and what's his name.

It's an important distinction.

I think of it this way.

Don't blame Jesus for Christians who act antithetically to Him as attested in the New Testament.

But you can blame Muhammad for Muslims who act in consonance with him as attested in the Koran.

Faithful Christians as exemplified in Jesus and attested in the New Testament are peacemakers.

Faithful Muslims as exemplified in Muhammad and attested in the Koran are, uh, uh, uh,...


Facts are irrelevant these days.

It's more about feelings.

Election 2008 is illustrative.

America feels better about the chosen one.

It's that, uh, simple.


Parenthetically, a word which I adore, I'm praying the chosen one wins by a wide margin on 11/4; primarily because more and more of his disciples are saying really bad things are gonna happen if crackers steal this election like they did in the last two.

Of course, I'm wondering if there are gonna be riots anyway; kinda like those big celebrations in Ann Arbor and Happy Valley when they win big ones.

Be that as it may be, I'd rather the chosen one win big than go through the violence which is being predicted by his sycophants if he doesn't.


Parenthetically, a word which I adore so much that I use it over and over again, I'm praying His best for President BHO.

I want him to succeed because I kinda like this country and don't want it to go down the toilet like mainline denominations.

More than less, America has been good to Americans and a big chunk of the planet.

So if President BHO is successful, it means more of the same for Americans and a big chunk of the planet.

Oh, let me put it another way.

If you're not praying President BHO succeeds, you must be a, uh, uh, uh, Muslim.


Go ahead!

Call me narrow, myopic, Neanderthal, or whatever.

I'm one of the remnant remaining in a mainliner who still believes Jesus is Lord and wants to save us from the ultimate barbecue and its penultimate polemics.

Simply, I believe the world and, uh, church would be a lot better off if people loved Jesus by loving a lot more like Jesus and a lot less like Muhammad.


Parenthetically, which by using the word again reinforces my wife's redundant scorn that I'm a serial repeater, the last few sections are gonna get my mom all upset.

She thinks that Muslims are gonna come and chop off my head just like they keep trying to do to that novelist in London (SR).

OOOOoooohhhh! I'm so afraid.

Remember, I'm a Christian: "The Spirit in me is greater..."


Besides, nobody reads my stuff or listens to my sermons.

They have strong mental and literal pinkies.

I know that because I haven't received a dime to pay off the Caliber or put in the motorcycle fund.


Everybody keeps talking about BHO's nutty buddies.

Well, not everybody; especially not the Muslims and mainliners.

Be that as it is, JM has a few nutty buddies himself.

G. Gordon Liddy comes to mind.


I'm trying not to disturb the chosen one's worshippers before 11/4/08 and 1/20/09.

They are soooooooooo devoted.

But they just may want to check out

Be careful, sycophants!

You don't want to confuse facts with your feelings.


Northern Californians think they're better than Southern Californians; and Southern Californians don't care.

A byte/bite from San Diego: "If you're going to 'hit and run' on SP's wardrobe, you should at least note: (1) SP ran for office the last time in fleece and snow pants. She needed an update; (2) The clothes were bought with private money, not at taxpayer's expense; (3) Unlike the adulterous vampire lawyer John Edwards, who wears designer suits and $400 haircuts, she lives in a modest house; and (4) SP is donating her wardrobe to charity after the election."

He ended, "So much for a fat kitty being mistreated daily by the bought-and-paid-for main stream media."


A byte/bite from Oklahoma: "You'd be great on a radio talk show!"

I don't know about great.

But parenthetically speaking...


A byte/bite from the remnant remaining in the mainline: "So-called renewal groups put out brush fires and then think the war is over. I have given up on the renewalists. I don't have to spend money to go to their meetings in order to know the Biblical way to vote; and I have better things to do than talk, talk, talk, and do nothing about it."

Ah, welcome, my friend, to ministry in the mainline.

Anyone else out there wondering how Jesus feels - that word again - about armchair Christians?


Staying on politics with a sprinkle of religion, here's a byte/bite from Arizona: "The 'angry right' will be as much at fault if BHO is elected as the left. Many intend to stay home on election day and others have withheld money and support because JM isn't a 'pure enough' conservative."


He barks, "BHO already has the media on his side. He is outspending the GOP 3 to 1 in key states because he can. Let's not be naive. Republicans would do the same thing if they had the money; which they don't because of the aforementioned right wingers."

He ends with a wagging of the tail, "Why is SP being held to a different standard than BHO and JB? Why are her 'gaffes' worse than JB's? And here's a thought that will make me really unpopular: 'Are the women who are turning negative on SP as sexist as the good old boys?'"



I'm president of a youth football league.

We had seven consolation and championship games over the weekend.

The results were determined by the facts not feelings.

I feel so much better about that than Election 2008.


Blessings and Love!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

October 23, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


Several subscribers received multiple copies of the last edition of KD.

My boss aka our family of faith's administrative assistant said she hadn't received it; so I sent it again, uh, and, uh, again, and, uh,...

Then it hit me!

She deleted it before reading it!

It's how mainline denominations treat the Bible.


I always tell my preaching students that if it ain't worth preachin' twice, it ain't worth preachin' once; and if it's worth preachin' once, it's worth preachin' twice.

On the other hand, behaviors betray a lot of folks are deletin' preachin' these days.

What the world needs now is love, sweet love, it's the only thing...

On the other hand, as BHO will tell ya after sitting in JW's pews for over two decades, nobody's listening anyway; or at least our next President spent all of those years in mental deletion of homiletical Bizzaro World which makes me wonder why JW keeps saying he was BHO's mentor when BHO says he wasn't payin' any attention to him.


On the other hand - a reimagined trinitarian concept - a subscriber cautioned against flattering myself: "O.K., getting one is sufficient! Do you really think this particular KD is that much better than the others? I don't think so."


He - a Baptist preacher who has a motorcycle which does cause me to violate the last one of the Decalogue - continued, "By the way, now that I've got your attention, I haven't given up on JM/SP getting the votes to win. Did you not read the latest AP poll? It's a virtual tie."

He - a dunker who I really like even though he insults me and has a motorcycle which I may get as soon as I win the lottery which may be problematic in that I never buy a ticket but keep hoping someone read the last lines of the last KD inviting disciples of the chosen one to spread/share their wealth with me while begging the grumpy one's fatter crackers to offer a loan at an interest rate lower than the chosen one's tax plan - concluded, "I am also concerned about the jackasses getting complete control of the House and Senate. That will cause more problems. Just my two cents worth."

Two cents worth.

Guess I shouldn't be expecting a contribution from him.


I've noted how the chosen one's disciples and the grumpy one's fatter crackers are too myopic/mesmerized to consider Romans 3:23 when it comes to their idols.

It's kinda like pastors who follow pastors and discover their predecessors are idolized or demonized; meaning they know what's to become of their reputations when they become the predecessors to their successors.

Be that as it is, I've finally heard from someone who is voting for the chosen one who admits he's not the latest product of a virgin birth or something like that: "Personally, I agree with what you say about both. Since I didn't vote for either, I feel it's easy to mention the negatives of both. I do think there is more negative about JM but BHO has so many blowhards around him that it makes it hard to pull for him."


An important aside pour moi: this subscriber is an elder in our family of faith.

There's hope.


Not to get too optimistic and shatter the stereotypes of subscribers who can't handle religiosociopolitco satire laced with iconoclastic deference to the Decalogue - maybe that last clause is why some folks can't figure it/me out - I held a little poll during our 3rd service last Sunday.

I asked, "How many Bears fans are here?"

Half the congregation raised their hands.

I asked, "How many Packers fans are here?"

Half the congregation raised their hands.

I said, "No wonder we can't get anything done around here."


I'm a Yankees, Giants, and Jets fan.

Think about it.

Now read the last sentence of the previous section.


Think about it.


Jane Porter's "A Newscast From A Future We Must Never See" is must-see political satire.

Go to, type Jane Porter (italics optional) into the search engine, and laugh your jackass (metaphor) off.

While you're at it, go to for funny daily headlines; which are highly complementary to The Daily Show and The Colbert Report (my personal favorite).


If you're one of those humorless sycophants for the chosen one or grumpy one, stick to CNN, Fox, and the Presbyterian anchor chick on CBS.


A sobering note from Florida: "I think I am going to buy your non-best-selling book Fifteen Secrets for Life and Ministry. It sounds intriguing. The last time I tried to find your books on, I couldn't find them. How many are on the site?"

All of 'em.

Look under books that never sold enough to pay off a Caliber, plastic, and motorcycle dream.


Encouragement from Louisiana: "You're not alone! I've still got to pay off my old pick-up truck with holes in the bed; and I may have to sell it to pay it off if BHO is elected and raises my taxes. I can only hope for another "stimulus check" like the last one; which we used to pay taxes. I feel so stimulated."

"Oh, well," he signed off, "it could be worse and probably will be before it gets much better. Keep up the cheer! You really boost my spirit with all of your enthusiastic optimism. I was getting all down thinking about original sin. I'm feeling much better now!"

It's a virus.



From Tampa Bay which actually thinks anyone cares that they're in the World Series: "I realize your KDs are written with tongue firmly implanted in cheek."

Obviously, that's not a secret anymore; because no one has taken my begging seriously.



Speaking of $, did you hear how much $ SP paid for her VP wardrobe?


Democrats saying Republicans are fatter crackers are as hypocritical as Republicans saying Democrats have the moral spine of slugs.

Of course, there's some truth to most humor.


Speaking of jokes, I've got an analogy for Election 2008.

The Apocalypse of Saint John.

It's really good news for good guys and really bad news for bad guys.



Finally, for today, an exchange with a fighting woman in Iraq as contrasted to all of those fighting women in local congregations.

She wrote, "Your KDs are forwarded to me from my pastor in New Jersey. He's as off the wall for Jesus as you seem to be. Even my non-believing friends like reading what you have to say. I was wondering if you're thinking about doing a weekly radio show or getting your KDs published by some newspapers."

I wrote back, "Thanks, friend! I pray every day for you and all of our brave women and men who are at risk for the highest values of civilization. Yes, I have thought about it; but no invitations. If you know anybody who may be interested, let me know and I'll put 'em in contact with my agent."

It's a good thing that my agent's husband is employed.

It's a bad thing that I'm still waiting for...


Just joking in a seriously satirical kind of iconoclastic Decalogian Christian way.


Blessings and Love!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

October 22, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


I interviewed Joe-the-Oil-Changer in Poplar Grove, Illinois around 5:10 p.m. on 10/21.

He's a Baptist with six employees and one wife who also hangs out at the garage.

I asked if Joe-the-Plumber is right about the chosen one's tax plan.

He said, "If he's serious about it, I'm finished; or, at least, most of my employees."

He asked what I think.

I said, "Well, if he's really the chosen one, he's gonna deliver..."


It's hard to talk about Election 2008.

Democrats are running against GWB; and the oh so standard bearer who is kinda grumpy and has a hard time getting his base up despite his really hot running, uh, mate.

Republicans are running against the latest messiah; and his true identity won't be disclosed until after 1/20/09 - along with his sealed high school, college, and law school records which probably prove he's a patriot unlike his pals during those days - which will be good news or bad news depending upon your understanding of eschatology.


I wonder if General Colin Powell and his son will be watching the returns together on 11/4.

CP, who admits BHO doesn't really know what's going on but is surrounding himself with new and improved informed folks unlike his former pals, likes the "transformational" aka messianic character of the Phillies, I mean White Sox, I mean whichever city I'm in, fan.

Michael Powell represents the GOP's grumpy guy on the campaign trail; and, get this, served as a policy advisor to GWB's DC.

By the way, fight fans, CP worked for the hated DC and GWB as well as doing a national security stint for RR.

And, just to add to the clarity, MP's conservative credentials are almost as impressive as his dad's before he, uh, uh, uh, converted.


Speaking of family dysfunctions, SP and JM ain't on the same page when it comes to gay marriage.

Parenthetically, I'm all for it in the same way that I'd like to legalize drugs. If the government is gonna control everything in the next four years anyway, why not let 'em take over the gay and drug industries? Biblical morality isn't an issue anymore - just ask your local mainline preacher - and putting the feds in charge to regulate such stuff just may cut down on disease, crime, and laced weed.

Getting back to the gays who must be in the majority these days because they're certainly all-the-talk in elections, churches, news, sitcoms, and hate mail to fundies, SP supports a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

JM says states should be left to define marriage.


If mainline denominations can say to hell with Biblical faith and morality, we shouldn't expect Republican Presidential grumps to be up with it.


A byte-bite from Kansas City: "You're like me, KD. The pollyannas are upset with you because you tell the truth and believe iconoclastic commentary is a spiritual gift which the Apostle Paul forgot to include in the second edition of 1 Corinthians. Well, look at it this way. If BHO gets in (as appears likely), Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez won't have any further reason to spite us; which, of course, concerns folks who want everyone to like them even if it includes folks who are dedicated to our annihilation."


A byte-bite from deep in the belly of America's heartland: "When BHO talks about spreading around the wealth, he is saying to spread your wealth around. There is no 'wealth' just hanging around in the atmosphere waiting to be spread around. It is wealth because it actually belongs to someone who created it; which means that if the government is going to spread it around, they have to take it from the person who owns it and give it away to those who didn't earn it."


He went on, "A guy was begging on the corner with a cup in his hand. He wore a T-shirt that said, "Obama! For the Change We Want!"

Conclusion: "I keep wondering how he's the candidate who will unify the country when I can't stand the sight of him and know he's about to ignite a class war in America which will devastate us."


Now before my way left subscribers go into cardiac arrest over the preceding, please remember you're just as partisan; especially when you keep talking about GWB instead of JM as if JM is GWB which is as silly as saying BHO is being influenced by his former pals who he doesn't hang with anymore since dumping them for his new pals like CP.


Of course, that is a problem today.

People have this need to box everything; proving Pete Seeger was right.

Politicians, professors, pastors, parents, and just about anybody else even if who they are doesn't start with "p" know too many people are always speck-inspecting; looking for that pejorative something to ____ 'em off so they can write 'em off as perditious.

It's, uh, pathological.


Kinda like my debt.

If you know somebody who is into consolidating debt at an interest rate lower than the chosen one's tax plan, let me know.

I would like to pay off the Caliber, plastic, and get that motorcycle before the eschaton which seems closer and closer as 11/4 and 1/20 approach.

Or if you're a disciple of the chosen one and still hoarding a disproportionate piece of the pie, you can spread some of your wealth around to, uh, me.

Or if you're one of those mean-spirited Republicans who doesn't care about the poor but want to pretend you're penitent...


Speaking of pathologies, I've got a sharp pain in my left side.

I can't figure out what it is.

It's kinda like how America is feeling about Election 2008.


Blessings and Love!

Monday, October 20, 2008

October 20, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


So who's givin' the Inaugural Prayer on January 20, 2009?

The smart money is on Jeremiah Wright with Louis Farrakhan and The Reverend Jesse Jackson as long shots.

PCUSAers are so arrogant about their place in American culture that they think Bruce Reyes-Chow, Janet Edwards, Cliff Kirkpatrick, Janie Spahr, Parker Williamson, and the OGD are being considered.

Truth is 77% of my subscribers and 99% of Americans don't recognize the names in the preceding sentence; and 76% of my subscribers and 98% of Americans aren't even sure if the PCUSA still exists.


Speaking of folks on the verge of disappearing from sociopolitical influence, Colin Powell just endorsed BHO; which means the GOP has found its alter ego to the Democrats' Joe Lieberman.

CP swears race has nothing to do with his endorsement.

Yeah, right.


I'm praying whoever wins - and it sure looks like LF, JJ, or JW will be prayin' on 1/20/09 - wins really, really, really big.

Racism is a continuing cancer in this country; and the black/white racists in the shadows are looking for an excuse to...

While I've got a scarcely concealed preference for the next President - the only really hot candidate around which even Alec Baldwin confirmed on SNL (10/18/08) - I don't want black/white racists to have any excuse for spewing their hellborn hatreds; and they'll spew if they think they got screwed like the Democrats think they got screwed in the last two elections.


Speaking of the only debate left in Election 2008 as BHO marches on to victory his goose-stepping disciples, is Tina Fey impersonating SP as hot as SP impersonating herself?

Appearing side by side for the first time on SNL (10/18/08), you get to decide and report back to KD on this vital debate; so go to for the opening sketch and Weekend Update, make your decision, and cast your comments/votes.

I'm with AB on this one!


From a subscriber in the Dutch Country of Pennsylvania: "My wife and I went to a rally with SP at the Barnstormer's Clipper Magazine Stadium in Lancaster...SP came down the ramp holding baby Trig and wearing a skirt (No pants suit!) and high-heeled black boots. She did so well relating to the audience and spent time with folks after her speech. Don't tell anybody but, yes, she's hot! Wink! Wink!"


As Pastor Appreciation Month draws to a close, which I guess means that folks can start treating their pastors as crappy as they do the rest of the year, I am reminded of my counsel to entry level pastors as well as older pastors who missed the seminary course on original sin: "Don't overestimate your place in the church's life; for if you die after preaching on Sunday, they'll have ham and cole slaw for you in the basement on Wednesday and then elect the next pastor search committee on the following Sunday with whispers expressing hopes of finding someone better than you were."

Anyway, here's a report from a recently departed colleague corroborating my cynicism: "I finished today...I went to the church website tonight and was not surprised to see that all remnants and references to me had already been removed...Worship went well...I must confess that after so many years of service, I expected more...Most telling of all is that after everyone left on my last day, I had to turn off the lights and lock up the building."

Methinks that last sentence about turning off lights and locking doors will be a metaphor for that particular congregation's immediate future.


I'm treated well; though nobody has offered to...

Still, I'm treated well.

But I didn't miss the course on original sin, watched Mass Appeal which should be required viewing for anyone who is self-destructive enough to consider professional ministry, and I know how the people who are so nice to me now talk about my predecessors which means my successors will feel great at my expense until they become predecessors.

I stopped smoking weed after seminary's first Greek class and haven't been drunk since New Year's Eve during my freshman year of college; so I'm pretty sober by sight and experience about His caution: "If anyone would come after Me,...They will..."

He wasn't into religiosociopolitical satire.

He was too busy saving us from it.

I'm not so divine.


One of my more resistant-to-the-inevitable-outcome-of-Election-2008 subscribers who doesn't share the passion of so many of my other subscribers who keep trying to proselytize me to the side of the chosen one is still trying to figure out a way for SP, I mean JM, to win: "My brother was a poly-sci major and has always been a wannabe politician. We called him Alex P. Keaton when he was in high school; and he even had the requisite photo of Richard Nixon on his bedroom wall...He says the states to watch early on are Florida, Virginia, and some other state out East. If any of those go to BHO, it looks bleak. I asked, 'What about Ohio?' He said, 'If JM loses Ohio, he must win Pennsylvania or Michigan...'"

Friend, it's over.

Do you remember when JC ran against RR?

I bought lots of goodies in preparation for a long night of election returns to determine who was gonna win.

It was over before I took off the Jiffy-Pop's top.

Get used to it: President BHO and Vice President JB who won't be from Scranton after 11/4.


If the chosen one is really a bridge-builder, he'll invite Franklin Graham to pray on 1/20.

Don't bet on it.


Blessings and Love!

Friday, October 17, 2008

October 17, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


Congressman Murtha of Pennsylvania says there are racists in, uh, Pennsylvania.

I'm shocked.



Anyone who believes racism ain't an issue in America's sociopolitics rationalizes an elephant as a mouse with glandular problems.

As a pastor, professor, police chaplain, and president of a junior tackle football league, I confront racism almost daily.

I spell it out in my non-best-selling Fifteen Secrets for Life and Ministry which is on sale via; which is why I can't pay off my Caliber and plastic and hop on a motorcycle with a staff member and three of my elders.


Speaking of racists, nobody is considering The Reverend Jesse Jackson as BHO's successor in the U.S. Senate; however, his son, who isn't a blowbag like his old man, is approachable, reasonable, winsome, and not obsessively in search of photo-ops.

Unfortunately, Governor Blowbag (RB), who is about to go down with TR, who is not one of BHO's pals, has the picking prerogative.

The only thing certain about RB's pick to succeed BHO is the last name will not be Ryan.


Speaking of suspicions, Bill Ayers, who is not one of BHO's pals, and hasn't drawn as much attention in Election 2008 as really apocalyptic guys like Joe the Plumber and Joe Six-Pack, wears earrings.

If there's anything that drives me back to the 60s, it's peers who try to remain hip by stepping out of their generation to pretend to identify with another.

It makes me think of those guys with big bellies in Speedos at the beach and those gals with, uh, whatever in halter tops at the mall who make me want to barf.


Speaking of folks living in the ozone layer of reality, one of the best theologians in America can't figure out why folks aren't paying any attention to him.

He's precise, passionate, and, in my estimation, right on target about bad theology as catalyst of bad ecclesiology.

Anyway, another really smart guy who is a tad more in tune with the culture says it's because most folks "could care less" about theology.

I'm shocked again.

I agree with my one friend's theological concerns/obsessions even as I agree with my other friend's diagnosis; which makes me more realistic not double-minded.

Frank Layden, former coach of the Utah Jazz, confronted one of his under-achieving players, "Son, I don't get it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?" The player responded, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."



Yeah, that explains Election 2008 and mainline denominations.


Pervert Howard Stern comes to mind.

Surfing through yesterday, I came across "Howard Stern Exposes Why So Many People Support Obama."

Read the previous section and then go to the website and check it out.

Get used to it, crackers: President BHO.


I think one of my subscribers is upset with me because I don't think BHO is the second coming of you know who and JM is not an older version of GWB.

Here's what she [always protecting my sources] wrote: "Lies flow out of the mouths of Christian conservatives. GWB stole the election from AG. Such honest people. Now they have the audacity to blame ACORN on the Democrats! BHO explained his connection to ACORN very clearly in the last debate. Apparently, the right wingers only want to believe what RL and Fox tells them."

She went on to lament the GOP's dedication to withdraw support of the poor in so many ways: "I always think of Jesus when He said, 'As you do it to the least of them, you do it to Me.'"

Can't argue with Jesus.

Of course, too many Democrats, Republicans, and mainliners think they can.


Democrats and Republicans need to chill out and stop burning so many bridges between each other; because it's a waste of energy and emotion.

It's over.

The chosen one is going to win on 11/4 for many reasons which don't really matter anymore.

JM is an aging grump.

BHO is pretty.

VPs are irrelevant unless...

I'm taking money out of my motorcycle account, which hasn't really started yet because I've still got to pay off the Caliber and plastic, because I've lost three bets on JM winning.


I'm praying JM makes a smooth transition back into the Senate, SP makes a smooth transition back to Alaska, and JB confesses he ain't from Scranton, Pennsylvania.

I'm praying BHO is as decent as I hope and isn't really a spaghetti-head on steroids.

I'm praying BHO hasn't really been influenced by his nutty buddies.

I'm praying everyone will cut some slack for the chosen one as he tries to repair the economy and convince whoever needs to be convinced that we don't have the resources or young people to fight every war on the globe.

I'm praying racism is as antiquated in America as fantasized by my fruitcake friends and subscribers who just got off the boats at Disney after singing, "It's a small world after all..."

I'm praying, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh...


Help us, Jesus!


Blessings and Love!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

October 16, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


Alyssa, Audrey, Destany, and Kylie came to my study last night and gave a tasty chocolate chip cake to me which was inscribed, "We appreciate you!"

They're 4th graders who participate in our wildly enthusiastic and growing midweek programs for all ages; which is why we're expanding (go to for the specifics).

Anyway, after a lot of fun talking about favorite TV shows and how much we love each other, I asked, "Who do you think will be elected President?"

Unanimously, they shouted, "Obama!"

When I asked why, they shouted, "He's a nice man who will take care of the country!"


As the emperor said to Mozart, "And there it is."

Or as Dandy Don serenaded Frank and Howard on Monday Night Football when the outcome was no longer in doubt, "Turn out the lights! The party's over!"

After attending the formal announcement of my favorite Mayor's bid for re-election and then returning to our midweek programs, I watched the last hurrah for JM, uh, I mean last Presidential debate.

While the moderator from CBS BS was the fairest with the best questions of any of the hacks who preceded him with thinly veiled bias, I reached two conclusions and then searched for a re-run of the latest Colbert Report.

First, though BHO betrayed a smug smile and condescending demeanor toward a man who has served our country so much better and so much longer than even his handlers can counter, he is the prettiest and most vacuously eloquent candidate of all time.

My 4th grade friends have caught his, uh, be careful now, spirit.

Second, though it seemed JM was about to blow at any time, there is no way SP can win with him on the ticket.

My 4th grade friends made a few comments about him which I will not repeat because I don't want them to be disciplined by their parents for what they said.

Go back to the first two sentences of this section.


Big changes - Isn't that the chosen one's promise? - are coming!

Here's one from a Chicago chum - The Reverend Jesse Jackson who has cashed in on MLK for years without honoring my hero's consistent Christocentrism and humility - which should catch the attention of an ethnic group which seems to be among his most adoring disciples: JJ promised "fundamental changes" in US foreign policy when BHO becomes President; saying the USA must "heal wounds" by apologizing for the "arrogance of the GWB administration."

JJ, speaking to the World Policy Forum in Evian, France, believes "Zionists who have controlled American policy for decades" may be strong but have little clout with the chosen one: "Barack is determined to repair our relations with the world of Islam and Muslims."


Here's another endorsement for the chosen one:


Help us, Jesus!


My mom and niece attended a SP rally in Scranton, Pennyslvania earlier this week; and, by the way, JB is not from Scranton even though he mentions it about 666 times a day and the chosen one brought it up again last night.

JB saying he is from Scranton, where he was born, is like me saying I'm from Washington, D.C. where I was born; or like someone who went to a mainline seminary but believes in Jesus.

If you don't get it, I get it.

Anyway, my mom said a CNN reporter asked her at the SP rally what she thought of Scranton's favorite son running for VP. She responded, "He's not from Pennsylvania. He's from Delaware." Immediately, the reporter pulled the microphone away from my mother and went to another man at the rally and repeated the same question. He said, "Why are you asking us about JB at a SP rally?"

Interpreter! Interpreter!


Here's the report from my mom on SP: "She's small, cute, full of energy and loaded with personality. She is dynamite when she gets to the podium, filled with self-confidence, positive, and has knowledge and experience beyond her years. I felt like she was talking personally to me. I feel she would be a great VP. And look out Washington! She'll clean that town up."

Here's the report from my niece who is a brilliant law student: "It was awesome!...The media is not telling the truth about how people feel about SP...The CNN reporter said JB was raised in Scranton and someone said he was born in Scranton which the CNN reporter was too dense to distinguish...Some guy yelled at the CNN reporter that the rally was not for JB but for SP; then chants started for SP and the CNN crew left...It was a great rally!"

But, alas, SP can't win with JM on the ticket.


"Not so fast in giving up on JM," says one of the few bravehearts for Jesus left in the PCUSA.

From the remnant: "I'm going to make a radical prediction. I don't think this is over and I think BHO will lose this election. I think this will be another case of 'Dewey Wins' headlines being just a tiny bit premature."

Continuing: "Here's the thing. The left is very afraid. So afraid that they keep on insisting this is in the bag. Polls lie. RL has been telling his listeners to tell any pollsters who ask that they're voting for BHO. I've never believed polls anyhow; and I'm willing to hold out hope until the last ballots are counted in the wee hours of the morning."

Concluding: "Of course, I continue to be a Cubs fan."


Britney Spears just said something which makes me think of those who've swallowed this chosen one stuff: "I sit there and I look back and I'm like, 'I'm a smart person. What the hell was I thinking?'"


I'm on the mailing list.

Of course, I get 547 ED and Viagra e-mail ads every day too.

I received this invitation yesterday: "Hi! I'm one of your neighbors in Rockford. I'm throwing a 'MoveOn for Obama' Party this weekend to make sure Barack wins big, and you're invited!...We're all going to call MoveOn members in the swing states to get them out volunteering for Obama...It's a great chance to meet some of your progressive neighbors, talk some politics, and help Obama win. So please come!...And don't be shy about passing this invitation along to other folks who you think might want to be there too..."

If only my 4th grade friends had e-mail addresses.


Here's some reassurement (?) from a source: "You're right! BHO is not the Antichrist...You're wrong when you say, 'But he could be the False Prophet to the Antichrist.'"

Reasoning: "If the False Prophet is around now...then the FP will come from the accepted evangelical camp. It's easier for a person with credentials, worldly success, high TV ratings, and a huge spiritual following to convince the religious orthodox to follow him. They'd do it in a heartbeat if they thought the USA would become totally Christian again, with public prayer, and litmus tests for politicians and others. They'd willingly give up the rights of others in order to feel in charge. Of course, in giving up the rights of others, they'd give up their own rights too."


I've got to stop reading Revelation 6:1-2.


I think I'll have a piece of cake.


Blessings and Love!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

October 14, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


Despite JB declaring the arrival of the "Biden Administration" in Rochester, New Hampshire on 10/13/08 - Does this mean JB is BHO's DC to GWB? - everybody is assuming BHO will be elected our next President on 11/4.

Most of the media, buttressed by consistently clear polling, have called the race for BHO; and Republicans are already assigning blame for JM's defeat.

The chosen one himself, apart from yesterday's 14 references to his passion for pie in less than a few minutes, captured the spirit of his, uh, disciples: "Vote Democratic! Stop the pain! We can't screw up any more than they did!"


Speaking of assumptions, more truth or consequences from our next President who has washed his hands of his pastor disaster and domestic terrorist: "Ultimately, I ended up learning about the fact that he had engaged in this reprehensible act 40 years ago, but I was 8 years old at the time and I assumed that he had been rehabilitated."


Isn't there an adage about what they do to us?


Did you know BHO is a smoker?

That means he can't light up at any of the college campuses in Pennsylvania.

We're learning more and more and more about him every day.

Can we assume we will learn about those missing records from high school, college, and law school after 11/4?


Have you ever heard of a "Freudian" slip?

You gotta go to

Just disclosing.


Madonna, the E Street Band, most gangsta rappers, Rosie, Europe, OPEC, Hamas, Barbara, Jane Fonda, Barney (Guess which one!), and the like have endorsed BHO.


That's a hint.

Anyway, one of his biggest supporters, Fidel Castro, says a "profound racism" in the USA will stop millions from voting for the chosen one. He says it is "a miracle that the Democratic candidate hasn't suffered the same luck as MLK, Malcolm X, and others who harbored dreams of equality and justice."

BHO's advocate from just off Florida's coast also described JM as "bellicose."

I can't wait to see who's invited to the inaugural balls.


Of course, Castro is partially right.

Anyone who denies racism continues to be an issue in our culture assumes a visit to Disney World tears down the walls of segregation and ethnic pride.

Indeed, Kate Zernike, reporting for The New York Times on 10/12/08 (viz., "Do Polls Lie About Race?), cautioned, "In recent days, nervous BHO supporters have traded worry about a survey - widely distributed by pollsters yet voraciously consumed by the politically obsessed - that concluded racial bias would cost BHO six percentage points in the final outcome. He is, of course, about six points ahead in current polls. See? He's going to lose."

Foxy BO's favorite journalist, NYT's Frank Rich, also wrote on 10/12/08 (viz., "The Terrorist BHO"), "...the biggest fear about BHO: a crazy person might take a shot at him...But we're not at Election Day yet, and if voters are to have their final say, both America and BHO have to get there safely. The JM campaign has crossed the line between tough negative campaigning and inciting vigilantism, and each day the mob howls louder. The onus is on the man who says he puts his country first to call off the dogs, pit bulls and otherwise."


Speaking of the first female President, SP was in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania yesterday; and my mom will be reporting soon. She went to see her with my sister who is a pretty good businesswoman and niece who is a brilliant law student.

Anyway, SP was in Pennsylvania because JM has to win it to have any chance of beating the chosen one.

Parenthetically, JB who is not from Scranton, Pennsylvania was somewhere in Pennsylvania too - still wondering if he's gonna be VP or kinda like DC to GWB.

Anyway, in the relentless effort to dig up dirt on the only hot candidate in Election 2008 because you gotta dig up some dirt on her because her opponents are covered with mud and if you keep focusing on her than you can distract scrutiny from them, it has been determined that she had a public official fired because she had a grudge against him because he wasn't nice to a relative.

Hey, if we can go to war in Iraq because GWB was gettin' back at SH for trying to do bad things to his daddy...


The chosen one's first political campaign was launched at a gathering in Bill Ayer's living room.

BA wrote BHO's two memoirs.

Fortunately, we can't assume anything from that.

We know that because nobody's looking into it except for RL and SH.


It's time for crackers to get over it.

BHO will win on 11/4; and I will lead prayers asking our Lord to bless Him to bless His.



Blessings and Love!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

October 11, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


BHO is not the Antichrist.

Rumors that he is him are reckless and mean-spirited; betraying dirty political tricks and ideology masquerading as Biblical theology.

But he could be the False Prophet to the Antichrist.



They fuel churches and politics like alternate lifestyles and apostasies enable the thanatos libido of mainline denominations.

And they're really helpful if you can't win an election or get your way in the church by the rules or telling the truth.

Just ask pastors and politicians who are cut from the same, uh, uh, uh, cloth.


Speaking of rumors, I drew a lame analogy between political and sports polling in the last KD: "How can you trust polls when Pitt beats #5 South Florida at their house and still runs behind them in the AP and USA Today polls?"

A great link was sent to me about the corruption of one mirroring the other:

The author is so right on in the spirit of KD; in other words, he's gonna get into trouble for telling the truth.


Some, uh, truth or consequences from our next President BHO: "My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it."

Have you seen The Sting?

Now where are those eschatological notes?


My mom really liked being quoted in a recent KD; so much so that she's becoming a regular contributing source and, just like my other subscribers who think I'm joking while begging for some financial honoraria, she hasn't sent in a dime of appreciation.

While I never quote my embedded ecclesiastical and political sources because they could get into trouble for telling the truth and lose their jobs and then never send a contribution to pay off my Caliber and contribute to my motorcycle fund, my mom is the exception.

I'll say that again.

My mom is the exception: "I was on public square in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania the other day. This girl asked if she could interview me. She said she is a reporter for The New York Times. I asked, 'Why in the world are you in Wilkes-Barre?' She said, 'We believe Barletta is a good story.'"

Quick parenthesis for the ignorant.

Barletta is the Mayor of Hazleton, Pennsylvania who is trying to unseat crooked Congressman Kanjorski who succeeded crooked Congressman Flood.

Back to the story, my mom went on, "I told her I was voting for Barletta. I told her that JM needs to get tougher and I gave a glowing report for SP."

Quick parenthesis about the apple not falling far from the tree.

It doesn't.

Back to the story, "As soon as the young girl from The New York Times found out that I was for Barletta, JM, and SP, she left me and started talking to people who couldn't speak English but knew how to use foul language when talking about B, JM, SP, and GWB. She stayed with them long after I finished by coffee and donut."



Getting back to real clear politics, it's still October which means it's still Pastor Appreciation Month.

From my favorite Episcopal priest, "Apparently, in the PCUSA, you are allowed to fall out of the boat at an alarming rate; rocking the boat, on the other hand, ist verboten.

Hey, buddy, it takes one to know one!


From a much too truthful source exposing ills in the mainline which is why the sideline has really become the mainline which is really now on the sideline: "With regard to your quoting the Utah fellow about not being reimbursed for stuff which he never vouchered, they have no opportunity to reimburse if they don't know you've expended the money. But I suspect that he tried and was shot down."

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

He went through the open door: "Churches say, 'We don't have the money to pay these things.' I don't believe them for a minute...When the church calls a pastor, they take a vow before God to pay enough to support him...That does not include the expectation that the pastor will pick up all the church generated business expenses the position requires of him...God did not call the minister to pay the church for the privilege of being their pastor...This is the kind of clergy abuse that needs to be dealt with head on with no backing down."

I confess I have not vouchered anything for over three decades.

Here's why.

After my first session meeting, I decided I wasn't interested anymore in discussing mailing costs and other stuff related to ministry that provoked debates lasting so long that I'd miss the first three quarters of Monday Night Football.

That's why I haven't paid off my Caliber and don't have a motorcycle.


In the true spirit of why so many pastors aren't into Pastor Appreciation Month which is kinda like Mother's and Father's Day and, uh, even Christmas and Easter if you know what I mean, here's a letter which was just sent to a pastor in North Carolina who was forced out of his church even though he was "the best preacher and pastor that we've ever had":

I was shocked to read in the church newsletter yesterday
that after devastating the congregation for years you were
leaving. I am so thrilled to learn that you will be gone, but
so sad that my beloved friends and church had to go thru
your ego-driven nonsense for years until you managed to
"lead" them where your ego needed to go. I read your
bullshit in the church newsletter, sickened each time
by your quest for power, prestige and recognition. I
listened to my friends cry out in despair as they attempted
to defeat you and your cronies and preserve their church.
I'm not sure what's going to happen. It will take years
for the congregation to heal and restore itself. That's what
happens when evil people like you take hold. I'm thanking
God that you're gone!

Everybody stand up right now and sing with me, "Blest be the tie..."


No wonder I recently decided to let everyone in our family of faith blame me for everything!

It saves time; which means there's more for Monday Night Football.

By the way, that letter was written by the wife of an assistant pastor who served that church
about thirty years ago.



When I ask seminarians why they want to be pastors or get advanced degrees after already being pastors, they often say, "We want to be just like Jesus."

Except, of course, for the crucifixion part.

"If any man would come after Me, let..."

He must have been kidding.

Let me put it another way.

Jesus was the best and kindest man who ever lived.

He was nailed.

There is no hope for pastors who are faithful to Him; except, uh, you know, in the end.


Continuing on the theme of rumors, here are some:

General Motors and Chrysler may merge; which sounds as
odd as coupling Jesus and mainline denominations.

Bill Ayers ghost-wrote BHO's memoirs; which sounds, uh,
uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,...

I just got out of debt; which is as doubtful as BHO being
the Antichrist.

I dated SP while I was in seminary and she was in 7th grade;
which wasn't that unusual for guys in field education
assignments back then.

Two of the four are true, but if you'd really like to start a rumor...


Blessings and Love!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

October 9, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


After Tuesday's hee-haw aka Presidential deeeebaaaate turned into a bigger bust than one of the host city's, uh, larger celebrities, it appears SP cannot win with JM on the ticket.

Though he sounds more and more like South Park's Cartman, JM may be even more boring than WM.

With or without lipstick, BHO is the prettiest candidate since JC.


Speaking of lipstick, Oprah has got to be acknowledged as America's most persuasive and powerful political messiah-maker.

After she heralded, uh, the coming of the chosen one, HRC lost momentum and what was self-righteously hers quicker than Presbyterians lost their place in American religious culture.

And now - trumpets of the Apocalypse blaring in the background - she's gonna take over cable's Discovery/Health Channel and rename it the Oprah Winfrey Network to begin 24/7 new age programming; or at least that's what some guy named Bill Keller at is saying.

Ah, it makes sense.

She picked, uh, I mean identified his coming and now she's settin' up the host.

She has such a burden for all of us; and ushering in his reign has taken a big weight off her (?).


Maybe it's time to pull out some eschatological literature.


Finally, JM stated the obvious: "My opponent's touchiness every time he is questioned about his record should make us very concerned. For a guy who's already authored two memoirs, he's not exactly an open book."

When WJC said he didn't inhale, every child of the 60s knew he was, uh, blowin' smoke.

What is BHO hiding?

Why can't we get any information about his high school, college, and law school records?

His amnesia about that stretch of formative education and attitudes makes RN's 18 minutes of erased tape look, uh, pretty - there's that word again - tame.

That's what KDs are all about: John 3:19-21.


By the way, I inhaled; and I liked it.

I gave it up because I sobered up and discovered Jefferson Airplane wasn't really a pastor advisory panel for Jesus.

I never did acid.

No need to do acid if you're in a mainline denomination.


Getting back to the chosen one, there's a lot of hyperbolic hysteria about SH; but he has produced a video which warrants attention if we're gonna embrace Oprah's baby.

Was it a virgin birth?

Stay tuned for, uh, the etiological revelations in January on the Oprah Winfrey Network!



Anyway, whether you're a fan or foe, take a look at Barack Obama & Friends Sean Hannity Special:


While I'm thinking my bets on BHO losing are in jeopardy, a note from an increasingly renowned expositor: "Hold on, RRK! This thing is not over yet, despite all the news media says."

Yeah, the polls are as rigged as back in the GM versus RN days.

How can you trust polls when Pitt beats #5 South Florida at their house and still runs behind them in the AP and USA Today polls?


Do you think the elite media favors Oprah's chosen one?

Here's an interesting, uh, revelation from a media source in Pennsylvania: "Just for the record. I work for the ___ affiliate in ___. ___ is in the tank for BHO. For example, when a ___ reporter recently announced that SP was chosen to be JM's running mate, the ___ reporter chose a backdrop shot of her that included perhaps a dozen anti-JM protesters...There was not a similar shot when JB was announced...I made a complaint to ___ who in turn followed up with the ___ board...For what it's worth!"

Another, uh, revelation from a media source in Florida: "I don't think BHO is a decent guy because I spent too much time covering ACORN as a young reporter in Cleveland and know BHO is a left wing socialist who hangs out with guys like Bill Ayers who bombs the Pentagon. So I think BHO will put bozos like Dennis Kucinich who was the ACORN organizer in Cleveland before weaseling his way into being Mayor of Cleveland and putting the city into financial default. He'll probably end up as Secretary of HUD."


Speaking of BHO's Cabinet, my government sources say to watch for Colin Powell, Dennis Kucinich, Bill Bradley, Jesse Jackson, Jr., and Bill Richardson.

A guy with a lot of ecclesiastical/civil politics experience wrote, "You can kiss off the Clintonites. BHO hates them. My guess is the very extreme liberal wing will get its people in at the expense of the middle. About all I can say is Ann Coulter will not be the Secretary of State...Hopefully, no one on the Supreme Court will kick the bucket on the conservative side. The judicial system will be packed with liberals. It is going to take two decades to fix the damage that BHO will do."

O.K., here are my predictions with help from my sources in the know:

Secretary of State - Dennis Kucinich
Secretary of Defense - Lizzy Dorn
Homeland Security - Bill Ayers
Treasury - Tony Rezko
HUD - Michael Pfleger
Transportation - Madonna (She gets around and has lots of mileage!)
Attorney General - Laurence Tribe
Interior - Wahid Hamid
Agriculture - The Reverend Jesse Jackson
Labor - Louis Farakhan
Health and Human Services - MO
Energy - Al Sharpton
Education - Jeremiah Wright
Commerce - Fareed Zakaria
Veteran's Affairs - WJC (He's the most veteran of White House affairs!)
Management and Budget - Tony Rezko's brother
Messiah Maker - Oprah Winfrey
UN Ambassador - Bono (He's already an honorary citizen!)
Press Secretary - Anyone working for NBC but probably Keith Olberwoman

Yeah, I know they're not all Cabinet positions; but things are gonna be a lot different when the chosen one gets his finger on the button(s).


Staying on politics, it's still October aka Pastor Appreciation Month.

A pastor in Utah wrote, "Next to PAM, clergy love those Christmas bonuses. I spent over $1250 hosting the elders, spouses, and staff (and spouses) for a Christmas dinner after ten years to express my thanks for their service. Guess what? I got a Christmas bonus that year: $25. Of course, I also pay for my own mailings, office supplies, technological upgrades, and never voucher the stuff; and, get this, no one ever thinks of reimbursing me."

A note from Rhode Island about PAM: "The person patting you on the back may only be determining where to stick the knife."


I played golf with my 90 year old buddy; and he fell out of a boat while fishing a week later. He told me about it with a smile.

A member of our staff just bought a motorcycle after two of my elders did the same.

I like golf.

I want a motorcycle.

I think I'll go fishing.

I don't like to go fishing; but maybe I'll fall out of the boat.


Blessings and Love!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

October 3, 2008

opp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


I guess BHO will win on 11/4.

Here are some reasons why/maybe:

1. He's running against GWB.

2. JM isn't running against his nutty buddies.

3. Any country that believes JB is from Scranton, OJ is innocent, and Paris Hilton has talent could elect him.

4. Though vacuously eloquent, he is a lot nicer than the little guy with the big temper.

5. Our elite media and mainline religions hate SP almost as much as GWB because, uh, you know, she's so, uh, Christian, and, uh, has these traditional American values, and, uh, she's, uh, really hot (go to for verification and some really, really, really good theology).

6. I picked the Cubs to win and BHO to lose back in February.

7. Americans like to gamble.


A Lutheran pastor, not one of those Missouri Synod guys who actually believe in Jesus and the authority of the Bible, challenged me, "Do you really want someone like SP in the White House who probably wants to Christianize America?"

I asked, "Do you hear yourself?"

I'm baffled by so-called Christians who don't think our country and world would be a lot better if people who love Jesus by loving like Jesus got more involved in stuff that matters more than the raging debates over wax vs. oil-filled candles.

Would it be that bad to have a President who takes Jesus seriously?

Are things like grace, mercy, forgiveness, compassion, unconditional love, and Matthew 25 ethics that bad?


I'm still trying to figure out why some gals/guys who don't talk about Jesus and don't think He's the answer for what's ailing us which betrays distance from Jesus keep picking up checks from churches which are, uh, let me get this right, supposed to be all about Jesus as the solution for all of our existential and eternal concerns.

The Greek/English/any/language definition of hypocrisy comes to mind.


Yeah, I wanted the Cubs to win.

Aside from the BHO link, I'm a Yankees fan and we've already got enough titles.

Besides, everybody likes the Cubs, unlike the Yankees, and you'd think losing would get kinda old after, uh, a century or so.


O.K., not everybody loves the Cubs.

There are about eight White Sox fans in America who hate 'em.

BHO is a White Sox fan.



Mary Schmich, a fun writer for The Chicago Tribune, wrote on Friday, "My first dirty book was a gift from my mother."

She started and ended, "What was your first dirty book?...Next time you're at a party with strangers, ask the question. It's guaranteed to spice up the meal."

Forget it.

There's no hope.


A mad mainliner from my franchise wrote, "If you're so smart, why don't you run for Moderator?"

Well, it's probably because too many people hate me in a Christian kind of way for good, bad, and other reasons.

Besides, as the last great President of PTS replied rhetorically when asked why he never ran for Moderator of the PCUSA, "Why take a demotion?"


Maybe that's why/maybe BHO will win.


Blessings and Love!

October 3, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


Thursday, uh, yesterday was quite a day for gays.

They got the green light to ask PCUSA pastors to preside at their weddings in Pittsburgh (go to,, or to see what's happening on this and other apostasies in the formerly faithful franchise).

They got the red light from JB for BHO and SP for JM who said they like gays a lot and even know some and know they like to do what they like to do and should have their civil rights protected but aren't gonna help walk down the aisle to Wagnerian tunes.

Let me get this, uh, straight.

The church - or, in this case, the PCUSA, which is increasingly difficult to identify as part of the Church if you're gonna consider stuff like Biblical Christianity as upheld by its own constitution which is increasingly defied by clergy/elders and their bureaucrats who enable 'em - doesn't have moral standards as high as the current crop of aspirants for the oval office?

Hey, Jude!


Bible not Beatles.


Speaking of the VP debate, I was not disappointed.

JB was his typical old hack politician self, invoking Scranton in St. Louis more than Jesus came up in Pittsburgh, and talking about BHO as if the very junior Senator from Illinois was Thomas Jefferson's ghost writer.

SP was hot.


A friend asked, "Do you think SP is prepared to be President?"

I responded, "Compared to whom?"


Let me repeat to the chagrin and hysterics of my way left and way right subscribers who haven't sent in a nickel to help pay off my Caliber and plastic but who have forwarded these KDs all over the place because Hans and friends haven't picked up my option yet, "I am not psyched about any of the Presidential dudes because one suffers from short man's disease and the other is vacuously eloquent with nutty buddies and one VP candidate is a serial plagiarist with a smile about as authentic as Paris Hilton's pledge to be a role model for adolescent girls; and while SP has resurrected Tina Fey's SNL career which is good, I can think of many others who inspire more confidence when it comes to the challenges before us."

Having said that, I like SP's clarity, consistency, authenticity, and Christianity - There! I said it! - much, much, much more than the fuzzy ideologies and same-old-same-old political styles without substance of the, uh, guys.

All things being unequal, I'm for the only one who seems to know Jesus, wants to make Him known, and isn't embarrassed to bring Him up by name.

Besides, she's hot.


I've been reading the reviews; and here's the most concise, comprehensive, and compelling conclusion on how it went: "I thought she was great. I felt like she was talking to me. She is so personable. She is a breath of fresh air and not like those other run of the mill politicians. I like JB. I thought he did a good job. But SP was the star!"

While I don't identify my sources or subscribers to spare them from, uh, whomever, I'm making an exception on this one.

It's from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania which is just down the road from Scranton which JB claims as home except when he's in Delaware; which is as ridiculous as HRC wearing a Yankees hat or RG wearing a Red Sox hat.

It's my mom.


From a TV guy in Pittsburgh: "Is SP qualified to be VP? She is certainly no less qualified than those 'serving' in the House and Senate...those same qualified people who so aptly oversaw Fannie May, Freddie Mac, and are now bailing out the whole banking system to the tune of $700,000,000,000...By the way, when asked how they come to that figure, a Treasury Department source answered that they really didn't know how much $ they needed; only that they needed a big number. I'm sure the Treasury Department people are qualified too."


From my #1 braveheart in the Midwest in response to my question about the 700+ big ones ("Am I the only one who thinks this bailout smells like state socialism?"): "Nope, not by a long shot. The American public - both left and right - hates this bailout but the government seeks only to promote their own advancement in any way possible. The only good thing to come out of this whole bailout situation was NP showing the world what a jerk she is."


From my #1 devotional writer in Oklahoma: "Have you noticed that anytime someone disagrees with BHO, he immediately wants to ban them from the airwaves! And, yes, the media has already decided who won this debate [see yesterday's KD]; even before the debate has happened! But God! I think God will get involved in this thing tonight; and I am praying and believing that God will fill SP's mouth every time she opens it, and the Spirit of Wisdom that filled Daniel will also fill her!"


That woman in Oklahoma can pray!


Though I don't expect mainliners to get this, methinks SP is so anathema to so many because she is so unashamedly Christian; as opposed to mainliners who seem embarrassed by His name or any connection with Him.

Have you ever noticed how mainline clergy have more friends among apostates and antagonists to Christianity than fundamentalists, evangelicals, Pentecostals, charismatics, and the like?

Just an observation.


Hearing I'm an ecclesiastical mediator for hire with a 99.99% customer satisfaction rating and references, a subscriber in Kansas City sent a story about his dad who did the same thing.

After trying so unsuccessfully to identify the cause of conflict between a congregation and pastor, an old woman revealed, "He jogs."

As what's-his-name likes to say, and now the rest of the story:

"What's wrong with that?"

"He jogs in shorts!"

"Well, this is western Kansas and you must stay cool running."

"He doesn't just jog in shorts. He jogs in short shorts."

According to my source, "My dad talked to the pastor who then stopped jogging in short shorts and all was well again."


People are hungry, poor, unclothed, unsheltered, unsaved, bruised, beaten, battered, and butchered by the meanness, madness, and misery of life in the modern world and church; and somebody is mad at the pastor for jogging in short shorts.

Help me, Jesus!

All together now, "Onward Christian..."


Speaking of pejorative pathologies, this just in from Cubdom: "You're right. It pains me to admit it, but you're right. I do not 'expect' the Cubs to win a World Series in my lifetime in much the same way I do not 'expect' to see reform in the PCUSA in my lifetime. It's so sad, isn't it?"


Have you ever heard Bob Dylan's song "Sarah"?


Last night, last night,
Wasn't like any night...


Blessings and Love!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

October 7, 2008

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


Almost Forgot!


Pastor Appreciation Month!!!


BHO and JM are deeebaaatin' tonight in Nashville; and if there are no Edge of Night, Soap, or Soupy Sales re-runs on, I'm gonna watch it.

With JW, FF, WA, and the E Street Band about to get the keys to the White House, it's all over except for the re-runs rehashing how GWB killed JM's chances.

I think of an old saint who said to me for times like these, "Sometimes it's better to talk to God about someone than to talk to someone about God."


Speaking of debates, October is Pastor Appreciation Month.

Most pastors have about as much enthusiasm for it as America seems to have for 11/4.

Pass the Nytol.


I'm fortunate.

The minority which hates me isn't the majority, uh, yet.

Actually, I am blessed with a family of faith increasingly invitational, welcoming, inclusive, and punctuated by agape; however, I'm also a mediator who works out deals for pastors/churches when things go, uh, south, which means I know the truth in what nobody wants to admit: "If you'd like to know what it's like to be a pastor, put on a deerskin and go walking through the woods on the first day of hunting season."


Here's an exchange with a California pastor who has been acclaimed as "the best pastor and preacher that we've ever had" yet was dumped so unceremoniously and unmercifully after almost 20 years of service for his younger associate:

Him: "Most pastors I know wish that congregants would simply respect
them, their office, and leadership 12 months a year, rather
than celebrate PAM. However, I think most pastors have
become so used to being disrespected and unappreciated
that they long for October's festivities."

Me: "Knowing how my predecessors have been treated and knowing
how some folks are always _____ and knowing the suffering
of some of our friends in ministry, I'm just not into it. I didn't
get into ministry for cash or kudos; and my expectations have
been exceeded!

He's a mainline pastor; which means he knows the mantra: "Lead us! Don't lead us! Why are you so double-minded? Lead us! But if you try, we're gonna second-guess every..."


This is from a pastor who really knows his theology and the reality of total depravity captive to original sin: "I was asked at my first church, 'What are your ideas about changing the service, PASTOR???'"

His idea(s) was to stand up for the reading of the Gospel lesson: "I like this tradition."

He continued, "The patriarch said it wouldn't fly, so forget it."

The old church fellah went on, "All this is very interesting, pastor, but you don't understand. The people of this congregation just won't stand for the Gospel."


I think this one came from an Episcopal priest who is really smart: "Here's one of my favorite metaphors for the ministry: Spiritual Sewers / God's Garbagemen.


If you type in his metaphor in google, you'll get the story.

Too good, uh, I mean, uh, bad.

Actually, I like this metaphor: Modern Mainline Ministry / Babysitters for Hire.


A pastor in my judicatory wrote: "I get a kick out of PAM too...This is the time to honor and reward the pastor for all that she/he does...In reading the memoirs of many Presbyterian pastors, the one theme that resonates is the one you and I identify with so readily...the story of the church that expects much, gives little, and loves less...Most of us long for a church that loves more, gives much, and expects to make a significant difference for Jesus and the Kingdom...I guess we get what we deserve since we Presbys worship the dollar more than Jesus."


He concluded, "So the only thing I appreciate is not being appreciated. It makes those times when appreciation is truly expressed all that more special. But if they were to pay off my car, I might change my mind."

No wonder I like this guy!


Do you know most polls indicate over 75% of all pastors would relocate or change jobs today if they had a chance.

No wonder old Hans told Martin Luther to go into law.

And that was pre-Reformation!


Staying on politics, one of my doctoral students chimed in: "Palin is prettier than Fey in my opinion; just not as smart...Did anyone else get the 'Hey, Jude' thing?"

We agree on Palin/Fey.

As far as Hey, Jude goes, a mainliner asked, "Is that in the Old or New...?"


In the, uh, spirit of three sides to every story, here's something from a not really liberal friend/pastor in Florida who pretends to be liberal because conservatives annoy him so much and he didn't like me saying SP takes Jesus more seriously than her, uh, running, uh, mates: "We've just had a President who took Jesus seriously, but not seriously enough to understand that the issue of total depravity and original sin is especially prevalent in places of power...You really don't believe do you that we should work to Christianize our nation? Constantine and Calvin tried that and look where that got us. If it's rules, regs, and moral righteousness, then the Muslims have it all over us. Or maybe I just don't catch your drift. By the way, calling SP hot says something about your taste in women which I don't happen to share. You betcha!"

I just think Jesus is, uh, Lord and Savior; and that the world would be a lot better off if people loved liked Jesus.

I won't touch the Calvin reference lest the Westminster Fellowship come down on me and add me to their reprobation list.


You say tomato, I say...


An elder in a neighboring church who we could use said this about pastors who don't think Jesus is enough or really Lord and Savior yet continue to pick up checks from the church: "They do hear what they're saying but see nothing wrong with it."


So here's what I really think about PAM.

I appreciate my family of faith.

I love them and I am dying for them; but how they feel about me must not dissuade me from loving and dying.

My call is not defined by what people think of me or say about me behind my back.

Look up beruf sometime.

The kind of appreciation which means the most to me occurred late one night not too long ago when I was called out to see an older woman who broke her leg. After praying, her daughter said, "Pastor, it's good to know you love us."

I do.

That is enough.

It has to be enough; because, in our culture, that's about all we're gonna get...for now until then.


Blessings and Love!