Friday, February 20, 2009

February 20, 2009

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)


I don't get the stimulus package.

CNN's Jack Cafferty: "What a joke. Your Congress has voted to spend almost $790 billion of your money on a stimulus package that not a single member of either chamber has read...Democrats promised to post the bill a full 48 hours before the vote was taken to allow members of the public to see what they were getting for their money...It didn't happen...Congress lying to the American people has become part of their job description...Obama better step up his game, or it's going to be a short four years in office."

Frankenstein comes to mind - the Mel Brooks version.

How do you stimulate dead tissue?

A friend likes to say, "If the horse is dead, dismount."


The only President with a higher approval rating than PBHO at a parallel moment in his first, uh, and only term was Jimmy Carter.


I like PBHO a lot more than my friends on the right and a lot less than my friends on the left.

His rhetoric and administration coincide about as much as mainline denominations and Holy Scripture; but, geez, it's only been a little over a month.

Is he that bad or that good already?

Talk about instant gratification needs.


Speaking of instant gratification needs, I've got a few.

I'll bet in a Christian kinda way that there are lots like me in America; just aching for a chance to stimulate the economy by satisfying some of those needs.

I'm gonna write to him:

Dear PBHO,

I didn't vote for you; but the other guy has been acting so
loony since you were elected that I'm kinda glad you beat

Actually, I did vote for you in the Illinois primary because
I was afraid what's-her-name was gonna win and, well, I'm not
sure she coulda handled things any better than you are or
even the Arizona guy could because, well, uh, she couldn't
even keep her husband from getting caught with his pants
down in the office that you're now occupying. Geez. My
wife controls me a lot better than she controls hers. Hmm.
Maybe my wife should be President because she knows
what to do with guys like me who take John Eldredge's
Wild at Heart to, uh, heart.

By the way, you can order that book by going to the
right column of; but, uh,
don't scroll down too far because there are some
uncomfortable comments that I've made about
you being the real American idol.

If you do read what I've written about you that more
than suggests you're not Jesus, just ignore me like
the guy who took your seat in the Senate ignored
the truth to get, uh, your seat in the Senate.

Anyway, I hear you're giving out lots of money to
people who squandered lots of money already; and,
well, uh, I fall into that category too!

I still owe about 19K in old plastic bills and I still
need about 9K to buy a mule; and, c'mon, if you
can bail-out terminal businesses or slip some
big Ks to CEOs and banks and folks who
got NINJA loans - No Income! No Job!
No assets! - I think I qualify too!

And I promise to stimulate the economy
less than 24 hours after you bail me out.

Look, I've been praying almost every day
and most Sundays for your success
according to the Word as enfleshed in Jesus
and explained in the Bible. O.K. I know
you're not especially into that stuff; but you
like me need all the help that's out/in/up

I'll throw in a promise to tell folks that
you are the only politician from Chicago
who isn't corrupt and that your Attorney
General and that guy who closed your
inauguration in prayer aren't race-baiters
and that everybody cheats on taxes just
like all of those guys in your administration
and lots of other stuff to prove I will sell
my soul for you.

And, yes, I thought that cartoon was awful.
Unlike Sarah Palin who isn't as hot as I
think or as stupid as the MSM says and
deserves to be caricatured, you are above
criticism because you're, uh, who/whatever
you are.

Somebody just told me that we can't
find your birth certificate because you're
not of this world; and I want you to know
that I don't care if you were born in Kenya
or Krypton because you could set the
precedent for Arnold next time.

Please disregard the last clause in the
preceding paragraph.

Adoringly & Insincerely,

Do you think I've got a chance?


Staying on the theme of instant gratification needs, Nancy Pelosi had a date with Pope Benedict XVI last Wednesday.

She's an abortionist and, uh, not especially nice:

He's, uh, not.

He says Catholic - I think he'd include members of other Christian franchises - politicians must protect life "at all stages of development" from womb to tomb.

Bishop Timlin of Scranton, which is not VP JB's home, just said pro-choice Catholic politicians - I don't think he'd include members of other Christian franchises on this one but it's still worth googling his name for more stuff on this zealot - should be fenced from the sacrament.

Mainliners are doubleminded on this just like that.


Press Secretary Michael Ortiz said this about PBHO when he was still Senator BHO (10/22/08): "Senator Obama does not support reimposing the Fairness Doctrine...He considers this debate to be a distraction from the conversation we should be having about opening up the airwaves and modern communications to as many diverse viewpoints as possible...That is why BHO supports media-ownership caps, network neutrality, public broadcasting, as well as increasing minority ownership of broadcasting and print outlets."

Say what?

Watch out for that disconnect between rhetoric and administration.

Do you think PBHO's successor in the Senate has anything in common with his predecessor in the Senate?

We'll see.

Help us, Jesus!


Despite an elder who just wrote to urge an updating of my organ donor card and said she's hoping not to have to serve on a Pastor Nominating Committee any time soon, I just applied for a grant:


I appreciate the opportunity to apply for a grant through
your Clergy Renewal Program.

After over 30 years as a pastor, professor, police
chaplain, and President of Rock Valley [Junior]
Tackle Football without a sabbatical and,
currently, praying and laboring in a turn-around
congregation without a day off since family
vacation in 2007, I'm up for some renewal!

My proposal evolves as a complementary
volume to previously published Golf in the
Real Kingdom [buy from this website now]
which was a response to Michael Murphy's
spaghetti-headed spirituality in Golf in the
Kingdom; while noting Murphy is out-selling
me by about three million to ten.

Anyway, my proposal is to ride my motorcycle
[uh, my eventual chrome pony] and spend
a month traveling across America to research
and write a response to Robert Pirsig's Zen and
the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. The title
will be Jesus and the Art of Motorcycle

Parenthetically, I need you to fund the
trip after I get the mule that nobody
has helped get into my barn.

While I may be submitting this application
too late for 2009, I'm not in a rush and can wait
a year or two; but counting time in the womb
which I do because God does no matter what
Pelosi says, I'm turning 57 in a few weeks and...

Shamelessly Begging,

Do you think I've got a chance?



I think my grant application's chances parallel those of the stimulus package.


Blessings and Love!

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