May 21, 2009

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)

@#$%

I went to one of my two favorite coffee shops in town (check the ad in the right column) and ordered oatmeal because my doctor says I've got to change my diet because I flunked the last three cholesterol checks after giving up on meds that either destroy my liver, catalyze muscle tone akin to Marilyn Manson, accelerate arthritis, or make me look like the Elephant Man.

While I've never been a white rabbit, I was up for the pills if it meant not giving up on pizza, Angus, Sugar Babies, Breyer's, chicken/turkey skin, bacon, sausage, chocolate licorice, M&Ms, Butterfingers, raw Bisquick, shellfish, wings, calamari (fried, of course), cookie dough, Fiesta Cancun, cow products, and other personal dietary favorites/staples.

I am, after all, a child of the...

They were out of oatmeal.

Figures.

Oatmeal is one of the few things that's good for me which I actually like to eat; and they were out of it.

So I ordered a bacon and egg muffin with cheese.

@#$%

Actually, I was in a muffin mood.

It's like broccoli.

Anyone pretending to prefer chipmunk food over a good old medium rare slice of steer can't be trusted.

It's just not...human.

Yeah, the green stuff will help you live longer, poop regularly, lose weight, and make you a big star at the next PETA or Greenpeace brunch; but I'm talking about tastebuds.

Maybe this is just a metaphor for Romans 7:13ff.

@#$%

I'm reminded of Stain on the Collar.

It was gonna be my ticket from Dyna to Road King.

It was gonna be my way to make a lot of $; which is really important in my line of work when you finally realize you ain't gonna...

Succinctly, it was a novel about what it's really, really, really like to be a pastor in today's corrupted church.

It was about real people who were really changed by a real relationship with the real Jesus; as well as the really phony people who hang around, uh, pollute churches by raising everything but heaven.

It was about some of the saints and loons who I've met over the years, the propositions that I've received and embraced if you know what I mean, the deceits, personal and corporate hypocrisies, and all of the rest that insure a bestseller in today's market; and when you've had four or five losers in a row like me...

It was hot!

It made Andrew Greeley look like an altar boy.

Aside from my serious desire to pass on the FXDWG to my youngest and mount the big mule, I was gonna pay off my sister's and friends' bills, pay off a son who thinks he deserves more than he got, shower my wife with whatever, and have enough $ so I don't have to beg people to fork over for the kinda church stuff that they should be thrilled to enable out of thanks for their confident living in the assurance of eternal life.

Or something like that.

Then I showed the manuscript to my mother.

@#$%

My mom likes oatmeal.

She agreed with the editor who said it would make a lot of $.

Then she said, "Bobby, I don't think someone who wants to honor Jesus..."

Trumped.

@#$%

I formatted the disks and burned the manuscript in some kinda OTish offering.

My mom wrote about a week later:

Dear Bobby,

This is just a quick note to let you know how proud I am
of you. I'm glad you trashed that book. Now I know you're
happy, satisfied with yourself, and finally growing up. Money
will come another way. God always has His plans.

Love,
Your Mother

O.K.

I'm still waiting.

@#$%



@#$%

I'm starting another book.

It will be called %ers with the subtitle Biblical Christianity and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance; or, uh, something like that.

I'm starting the theological-via-homiletical outline with previews every Sunday starting on 6/19/09; and you can go to www.belvpresbyterian.org for the calendar.

Essentially, it's gonna be about biker culture as a metaphor and challenge to the church.

It won't be oatmeal.

Raw meat.

I'll talk with my sister before I show it to my mother.

@#$%



@#$%

The line between what's good and bad is often blurred.

Stain on the Collar was all about making $; and I was willing to shelve some Jesus to do it.

%ers will be about making disciples with one of my passions as a metaphor for the good, bad, and ugly in the church.

Of course, if I make some money in the deal...

It's hard to shake that DNA from the garden despite mothers who take Deuteronomy 6 to heart.

@#$%

Blessings and Love!

If you want to see the mule and its jack___, you've gotta go to www.koppdisclosure.com