April 29, 2010

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)

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There was a little boy waiting for his mom to come out of a grocery store.

A man stopped his car, rolled down the window, and asked, "Son, can you tell me how to get to the post office?"

"Sure," the boy replied, "just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn right at the stop sign."

After thanking the boy, the man said, "I'm the new pastor in town; and I'd like to invite you to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to heaven."

Shaking his head, the little fellah asked with a smile, "How you gonna show me how to get to heaven if you don't even know the way to the post office?"

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Speaking of folks who don't know their way around town, one of 'em really hates me for trying to expose the dark side of Islam; writing this in response to the last KD (scroll down to 4/25) which appeared on my favorite churchy website (viz., www.presbyweb.com or, in ecumenical circles, www.ChurchandWorld.com):

Dear Editor:

I was stunned that you would include a blog post from Kopp Disclosure
that refers to Muslims as "diaperheads." And this person calls himself
a pastor? The hate being generated in this country seems to know no
bounds. I am a big defender of free speech. But a person's right to
say something does not mean we have to repeat it.

John Wimberly
Pastor, Western Presbyterian Church
Washington, D.C.

Though I'm kinda weary of such syrupy sentimental PCed drool by those who wanna rap with the irascible, irregular, and irreconcilable, Johnny caught my attention because we're in the same franchise and I was born in D.C. So I responded to his response:

Dear John,

Thank you for sharing your opinions/thoughts/inductions on my
satirical piece. I am stunned that you are "stunned" about such
a minor metaphorical point in the face of such a major assault
on civilization. Having read your stuff every now and then, I'm
stunned that you only seem to be "stunned" when someone
disagrees with your weltanschauung. Geez. While my
attempt at humor offended yours, talk about hate-speech.
Whoa. Lighten up, friend. And you call yourself a...

As I ask your forgiveness for offending your sense of
whatever from wherever for whomever, I forgive you for
speck-inspecting while...

You seem like one of those really nice guys who forget,
as King paraphrased Jesus, the precarious balance
of being tough-minded while tender-hearted as well as
vice versa.

I'm not saying I always or even mostly get it right; and
I thank you for causing me to pause on that one.

Pause.

Actually, "diaperhead" is a euphemism for what I think
about Muslim terrorists and those who defend their, uh,
sigh, honor (?).

Blessings and Love!

Again, geez, whoa, sigh, gulp.

Well, if you want to enter the debate, go to www.presbyweb.com or www.ChurchandWorld.com and chime in! Really. Maybe some hate-filled redneck like me will read it and feel sorry for me and send some big $ so I can pay off my plastic, lasso a Road King for the barn, and send Kathie and her main squeeze to Hawaii. Really.

In the, uh, as Johnny would say, meantime, Martin Roules, among many others who wrote to me but ain't making this edition or any other 'cause KD doesn't get into tinkling contests with skunks, wrote to 'em in a way that caught the intention of KD that Johnny missed through his ideological filter that seems immune to the headline at the top of the blog (http://www.koppdisclosure.com/ but, really, go to www.koppdisclosure.com for more massively irritating stuff):

Dear Editor:

Text out of context is pretext. Rev. John Wimberly wrings
his hankie and worries about Islamofascists being called
"diaperheads" by Rev. Bob Kopp.

Had Rev. Wimberly quoted the context accurately, he
would have discovered the obvious satirical nature of
the Rev. Kopp concerning hyper-active Muslims who
slaughter people for the slightest remark about
Mohammad.

To quote: "Those diaperheads target everybody for
death - fatwamania - who blink the wrong way at
their religion from nice old missionary nuns to
novelists, cartoonists, comedians, and, uh, you
if you dare to, uh, talk about their walk in less
than reverential ways; which, gulp, is why they're
even attacking those lovable little satirists in
South Park."

Those who read Kopp's lively blog regularly
(http://www.koppdisclosure.com/) know he is both
profound and satirical while always keeping his eye
on Jesus. That may surprise some mainline ministers,
who often forget who it is who established the church
from the beginning.

Considering how many good Americans have died at
the hands of "people of the towel wrapped head extraction,"
I would suggest a greater concern for the slain than the
hyper-sensitivities of the extremist cum terrorists, who
can't wait to slaughter some American Christians of any
denomination. The only tolerance they crave is our
silence from the grave.

Rev. Wimberly should place his emphasis on the majors,
not the minors, and learn how to laugh.

Martin Roules

Selah.

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The visionary leader/founder of the Confessing Church Movement will be preaching for our family of faith on May 30.

He started it about 15 years ago because mainliners seem to forget/ignore/defy Jesus as Lord of all and the Bible as authoritative over all matters of faith and morality; or as Paul Roberts likes to say, "If the church is going to keep its lampstand, it must look up, stand up, speak up, and act up for Jesus."

Of course, every Paul has his Johnny.

Paul's once said to him, "For what you are doing to our denomination, I am ashamed to have been your pastor."

Ouch.

Johnnies have a way of really hate-hurting when they don't like...

They even do it to, uh, whoa, sigh, gulp, their own sisters and brothers.

Or maybe they're not really...

Perish the thought.

He will in the end.

Anyway, Paul came to mind when Johnny slapped my, uh, satire.

I also thought of the metaphor at the beginning of this edition: "How you gonna show me how to get to heaven if you don't even know the way to the post office?"

I don't expect Johnny to get that either.

But I do expect a scolding for bad grammar.

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Blessings and Love!