Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)
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My dad called last Friday with the news: "Do you remember Donna ___? She just died on Wednesday. Didn't you and Donna date or something?"
Or something.
"Yes," I replied.
The atypical economy of my response startled my dad as much as the news startled me.
It wasn't the time to tell him that she was my first grind-in-her-parents'-parlor-when-they-weren't-around girlfriend.
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My mom sent the obit to me.
Denial hit me first: "No way! For cryin' out loud! We graduated together!"
Then came reality: "Geez! If she can die at my age, I guess I can die at her age!"
Remembrances followed with a particular mind-warp related to the fifth sentence-paragraph of the preceding section and the preceding song that she liked to sing to me.
Finally, remorse: "Dang! She really loved me; but I was too young to appreciate that and moved on to another Donna, then Ruthie, then back to the other Donna, then back to Ruthie, then Esther, then Barbara, then back to Ruthie, then back to the other Donna, then Ann, then Debbie, then back to Ruthie, then Nancy, then Julia, then back to Ruthie, then another Debbie, then..."
Whoa.
What a creep.
I wanted to apologize.
Too late.
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The obit mentioned she was a member of a church; and while church membership and Christocentric/Biblical faith don't always go together like any believing pastor/person in a mainline denominational church will confess (click on the preceding KD), I remember she never did anything unless she was convinced which means I'll see her again.
Of course, seeing face-to-face already, she already has accepted my apology.
I just wish I would have done it before...
She's saved!
Yeah, I know I'm forgiven by her/Him, but, well, you know what I mean.
Why do we wait until it's...?
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Since I've been hanging out a lot more with Jesus and people who really love Jesus (click on the preceding KD), I've become a lot more confessional and repentant...and peaceful and calm and joyful at the deepest recesses of my spirit.
It's axiomatic.
Give it up and He picks us up.
I've been used in my life like I used Donna; though I must have felt something 'cause I feel something right now in addition to...
Heaven/hell, I'm a pastor.
I've stolen/shared affections, had affections stolen/shared from/with me, wanted to steal/share affections...
I'm going to look up her mom during my next trip to see my parents.
She's in a nursing home.
We may cry together or she may scold me or, uh, sigh, gulp, uh,...I don't know.
I'm kinda glad her dad's already there because he never liked me because he knew I was a Cub Scout in heat.
I just want to tell Donna's mom that Donna was better to me than I was to her and I'm sorry about that.
I want her mom to know Donna made a lasting impression on me and...
Anyway, five things came to mind as I digested my dad's special delivery.
First, I've been a real ___ on too many occasions in my life.
Second, since getting to know Jesus, I don't mind admitting that I've been a real ___ on too many occasions in my life.
Third, I can't thank Him enough for forgiving me for being a real ___ on too many occasions in my life; and working out all of that stuff in the end.
Fourth, I'm still grinding if you know what I mean; and if you don't, read Philippians 2:12ff.
Finally, I always need Lord Jesus as Savior 'cause I can still be a real ___ on too many occasions.
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Blessings and Love!
KDs are designed/developed/inspired/mused/auto-suggested/indigested to make folks think; an especially uncommon experience among Democrats, Republicans, and jingoistic mainline denominationalists who continue to discourage dissent with their ever-threatening thought police.
2 comments:
Pastor Kopp,
Just wanted to tell you that this week's disclosures have been really good...and the fact that they really are "disclosures" enables them to touch the really "nitty-gritty" stuff in all of us.
Not sure why I sent all of this to you but then, on the other hand, it probably has to do with those "disclosures" - you come from such a "real" place when you write them...the "real" place where "real" people live. As believers we know that we are in the world but not of it...that we are aliens here because we belong to another kingdom. But we still do live in this world and there are those days when it is exponentially tougher to see with Spirit Eyes what God is doing in and through us. And so some days it seems that we see through that glass even more darkly. Old Greek saying, "This too shall pass." We know it will because He says that "THEN we shall see face to face" and understand it all - and that means truly and finally understanding what He did for us on the cross - the deep, deep love that He has for us.
Our awesome God surely uses you in a unique and awesome way and so I thank Him for allowing you to be so "real." May He richly bless your ministry. And I thank and praise Him that He caused our paths to cross.
Janet
So, Jill was a college sweetheart . . . and I was hot stuff at everything I did. This let me be arrogant and demanding of her, her affections, her . . . whatever.
As my 40th birthday approached, my wife and I were planning a really fun event. This included a lot of local notables who were happy for great food and free cocktails. I thought of Jill because I discovered that a decade earlier, Jill had attended the very church where my wife and I had become "very prominent."
I found Jill's number and agonized and contemplated the conversation . . . It started a bit awkwardly but before it became inane, I offered my pained apologies for having been such a ____ to her when we dated. I repeated it sincerely, asking for her forgiveness for all my multiple wrongdoings. There was a pause and she said, " Funny, I always remember you as being very kind. Like the time you picked a rose from someone's yard because you were too poor to buy one. Or, the time you hand-crafted an artistic sun design from scraps of suede leather -- because you knew how much I liked the sun."
What I held as guilt-producing meanness and pettiness for so many years turned out to be a lot less significant to her than the kindnesses and tender acts of affection. She held onto the best while I held onto the worst.
Thank you Jesus for treating me the same way and reminding me how infinte His love truly is.
DG
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