Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Pastor Searches and Bad Biker Weather

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)



    I'm heading off to NE Pennsylvania after the second service on Sunday to see my dad who's been ailing along with my mom and sister who I haven't seen for too long.

    Of course, I'm taking the pony!

    Continuing the eschatological kinda weather that we've been having in an apocalyptic kinda way  - just snowed big time over there - people have already asked, some with sick smiles if you know what I mean and bikers do, "Are you still going to take your motorcycle?"

    Actually, my pony will take me; but, again, if you don't ride, you have no idea what that means.  It's kinda like trying to figure out why dogs like to stick their heads out of cage windows; which, uh, bikers do get.

    Parenthetically, lots of non-bikers, especially the ones who'd like to be bikers if they, uh, uh, never mind, seem to get some kinda thrill when they see bikers riding in the rain and cold and...  There's even a commercial about it with some wimpy excuse for a dude tsk-tsking a biker in a downpour.  Maybe you've seen it.  Psst.  What they don't know is authentics would still rather ride than being caged regardless of the weather; and that's a metaphor for life in general.


    Getting back to the point (?), authentics know it's going to rain sometime during just about every ride.  You're going to start in it or ride into it and yet always ride through it sooner or later; or as LS sang in tribute to moms: "Troubles will come and they will pass" (Simple Man).

    Jesus: "Rain falls on everybody."

    When I'm asked those kinda questions - see the third sentence-paragraph again - I wonder what's happened to the adventurous spirit of America.

    One look at who and what's going on in D.C. and I think again, "Never mind."

    So, yeah, I'm gonna ride in the rain and through the see my dad, mom, sister, sign some books in Plains, and stay free.

    I don't expect people who prefer cages to understand.

    Another metaphor.


    Speaking of cages, it's become fashionable for pastor search committees to be told what they can and can't ask candidates for their churches.

    And that's why so many churches get into so much trouble!

    They fail to ask stuff that's important to 'em because somebody told 'em that they can't ask such questions and then they're surprised to find out that...


    Aside from never seeing rules about that except for ones auto-suggested by people who think they..., I recommend pastor search committees recall - they've all got bad experiences to recall - what happened when they didn't ask stuff that's important to 'em and were surprised to find out that...

    Besides, "Who's afraid of the big bad...?"

    C'mon, if you're gonna have to live and maybe even minister with 'em, you better ask 'em about stuff like polity, sexuality, abortion, weed, patriotism, riding motorcycles in the rain, or whether BBPBHO is really the...

    If not, you'll be sooooooory when you're surprised to find out that...

    Bad weather can be overcome, uh, if you prepare in advance.

    You can always take an alternate route and always take along appropriate...


    Don't get me wrong.

    Some churches are just sick.

    Yeah, some pastors are just sick.

    I've got a mirror.

     Moretheless, it's the responsibility of denominational oversight folks to make sure sick folks get healed before they're allowed to date and certainly before they marry if you know what I mean related to all of this.

    I know at least two churches in the local expression of my franchise that really, really, really need some healing before they should ever entertain calling another...

    And I'm gonna do my part to make sure that...

    Sure, mistakes will always be made and every day ain't a hot fudge sundae for the best of, uh, marriages of any kind; and if we're related to Jesus authentically, we can/must work out most of 'em if we're not gonna be posers about loving Jesus by loving like Him.

    Go back to the last two sentence-paragraphs of the previous section.


    So, go ahead and administer your litmus tests before signing on the dotted line.

    You'll avoid lots of bad weather and overcome most of the unavoidable storms, quakes, and...

    It's your church on His behalf; or, rather, His church with you being the stewards of...

    Something like that.

    So, as long as you stay within the real rules of your franchise, ignore those control freaks with their imposing ideologies on ya and let Him direct you to the right...


    BTW, there is a way to cut to the quick and really smoke 'em out.

    Just ask her/him about Jesus!

    Ask, "Who is Jesus to you?"

    Don't let 'em quote Barth or Kung or Moltmann or BBPBHO.

    Ask 'em for a personal confession.

    If she/he can't talk about Him without stuttering, stammering, or asking to be excused for the restroom, just thank 'em for their time and show 'em the door.

    As a sage once told me about any kinda marriage, it's better not to get married in many instances if you know what he/He means.

    Simply, if she/he gets Him right or wrong, the odds are in your favor on figuring out where she/he stands on the other stuff.

    Admittedly, if the search committee can't talk about Him, all bets are off.

    Don't even attempt to get on a pony - rain or shine - if you haven't taken some lessons from Him.



Blessings and Love!

No comments: