Friday, April 20, 2012
Waiting to be Born Again
Inspirations/indigestions come regularly while walking Kopper.
He goes and then I gotta...
Anyway, it happens many mornings in a Psalms kinda way (check out the texts via Nelson's or Strong's).
Two or three days ago, Kopper was doing his thing and I was trying to do His thing and I began to confess my ingratitude after a few moments of singing, "Count your blessings, name them one by one...Count your blessings, see what God has done..."
Before being prompted by an inspiration/indigestion to sing, I was bantering and moaning with him and Him about not appearing on Leno or NPR or even Stewart or Colbert to hawk my latest book, scrounging around for $ to see my ailing dad not to mention upgrading the pony with more stuff to weather the, uh, weather, selling my Cleveland TA1s and never being able to hit a ball with the same confidence since, not having more $ to give away when someone shows up with a hand out, wondering how I'm gonna afford the mission opportunities this summer, and...
It/I was kinda pathetic.
I can be that way too often.
That's what my mom says.
Francis said Jesus was a beggar; but He begged for others.
If you don't know what I mean, good for you and bad for me and...
Moretheless, in the midst of the, uh, again, pathetic bantering and moaning, I started singing, "Count your blessings, name them..."
I began to feel so ashamed for being so selfish and ungrateful and...
I confessed it to him and Him and he wasn't moved to do anything other than his thing while I felt some increased communion with Him in a 1 John 1:5-10 kinda way.
Yeah, I mourned the ingratitude; then quickly began praising Him for the excessive graces that I had, uh, not acknowledged enough in adoring thanksgiving.
The walk ended after about 30 minutes.
The result may/can/should be a closer walk with Him.
A story from Theophane the Monk.
"I had just one desire - to give myself completely to God. So I headed for the monastery. An old monk asked me, 'What is it you want?'"
"I said, 'I just want to give myself to God.'"
"I expected him to be gentle, fatherly, but he shouted at me, 'NOW!'"
"I was stunned. He shouted again, 'NOW!'"
"Then he reached for a club and came after me. I turned and ran. He kept coming after me, brandishing his club and shouting, 'NOW! NOW!'"
"That was years ago. He still follows me, wherever I go. Always that stick, always that 'NOW!'"
I've decided I can't wait any longer to be born again, uh, again.
I mean it's time to be more like Jesus if I'm really, really, really serious about loving Jesus by loving like Jesus.
So I've decided not to mention needs/wants/desires/hurts/hopes/fears to anyone ever again but Him; though he aka Kopper may still...
As Norby scolded one morning over caffeine, "If that's what God wants for you, you're gonna get it."
The corollary being...
True in a Matthew 6:25-34; 7:7-12 juxtaposed to James 4:3 kinda way.
In the meantime, I've scaled back in...
I've decided not to wait any longer to be born again, uh, again.
"Earth is the only place you get regenerated - don't wait until you die, because, there's no place to regenerate after you're dead" (Tozer).
Blessings and Love!