Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)
@#$%
@#$%
Tony was talking
to me about suicide because he was honest enough to admit...
I recalled the conversation
during a very bad week because it's been a long time since...
Anyway, he said,
"I'm not one of those judgmental types who think they're big enough to
determine who goes to heaven and who goes to hell."
Tony and I have
always believed that's God's business; or as the first African-American elder
of Winston-Salem, North Carolina's First Presbyterian Church said to me just
after her ordination/installation and not long before I was forced out
rightly/wrongly (both), "You love 'em and let God judge 'em."
We take C.S.
Lewis' approach; telling people how to get to heaven and live heavenly before
heaven instead of telling people that we know for sure that they're going
straight to...
Revelation
3:20ff.
Well, I'll never
forget him saying, "I've got this idea that God welcomes people into
heaven who have committed suicide like this: 'I know it was too tough for you
down there. It was almost too tough for me. Welcome home!'"
While I'm like
Tony in that I'd never say who's going to hell for sure despite all indications
to the certainty - especially those who love Jesus by hating everybody else -
Tony's inspiration/indigestion has always sounded a lot more like Jesus than
those who've articulated/demonstrated
their unforgivable sins in addition to the only one ever mentioned by Jesus if you know what He means.
Matthew 12:31-32.
@#$%
I almost gave up
last week.
I've had a hard
time getting over being verbally/profanely assaulted by a Pony Baseball
League player's mom with the most hateful/murdering eyes that I'd seen
since I asked a Congressman why he kept running for office if he believed in
term limits. Really, if she could have killed me on the spot and gotten
away with it, I have no doubts that I'd never have to entertain suicidal
thoughts again. Simply, I haven't been playing her son every inning of
every game and ruining his chances to prove he's the next Mickey or
Willie. Psst. He's one of the two worst players on the team.
Just one flea can
make a big dog itch. I'll leave it at that; knowing anybody who's ever
hung around any kinda church for any length of time knows what I'm talking
about.
I feel like I'm
bleeding to death as a...
I'm tired of
excuses for...
I've dropped
several hints at my favorite HD dealership about trading my windshield for...
My golf game has
gone straight to...
While I'm used to
writing non-best-selling books, I thought for sure that...
My publisher,
authors, and sister keep encouraging me: "It's only been out for five
months for crying out loud!"
But I am crying
out loud!
My last royalties
check was $49.52.
My first one was
$24.92.
How the heaven am
I supposed to reincarnate/trade Return into/for an Electra Glide Ultra Limited
missionary/mule when I'm only...?
Yeah, I didn't
write it for the $ - a good thing - but I was hoping for a few coins to pay off
some debts, help some friends/family, and upgrade that pony for missionary/recreational use as
called/needed.
I feel like a
repository for anyone/everyone who wants to banter and moan about
anyone/everyone/anything/everything.
I'd like to hear
just one positive comment about...
People can't seem
to help themselves from being angry, anal, bitter, biting, divisive,
separating, segregating, schismatic, and...
I'm tired of
being their scapegoat and transferred target of their pathologies.
People have
become so my-way-or-the-highway-fold-my-tent-pick-up-my-marbles-and-go-home and
sooooooo irregular,
irascible, and irreconcilable.
Hello!
Don't you
know what's going on?
Do you have
it sooooooo
much worse than children in war-torn countries?
Are you that
spoiled and entitled?
I know you want
your deodorant to keep you dry all day long; but aren't there more
important...?
Are you that
myopic, ego-centered, prideful, tunnel-visioned, arrogant, condescending,
and...?
O.K., enough
about me.
But what about
you?
Even Kopper bit
the hand that sneaks the kinda goodies to him that he really likes.
And the Yankees suck this year.
I had a very,
very, very bad week.
It almost killed
me before I could do it.
@#$%
Then I played
golf with Billy and watched a film about Carla Faye Tucker Brown.
Billy is my
favorite Special Olympics World Golf Champion. We play about 18 holes a
week.
CFTB is the
murderer who was born again in prison. If you don't know about her, find
out. You'll be...
Well, while I
never toss clubs or curse even after really, really, really God-awful shots,
Billy has this sense about him/Him; and knowing I was struggling, he said,
"Just keep working at it. It'll get better. I know you can
play better. We've got time before our next tournament."
He's right.
He said that
about eight hours before I watched that film about CFTB.
Here's a clip.
@#$%
@#$%
I've never come
close to committing suicide; despite not wearing a helmet which is my way of
giving hope to enemies.
Yeah, to be
honest, the demon seed has been planted on occasion by the enemy; but while I'm
just scratching the surface of my relationship with Jesus, I am close enough to
get over that kinda hellishness rather quickly.
Let me be clear.
I don't overcome
such deadly thoughts because it would be a permanent solution to temporary
problems.
I don't overcome
such deadly thoughts because things get better around me.
Things are
getting more and more and more awful around all of us; and if you don't
think/admit that, then you're still stoned or taking too much St. John's Wort.
These are, after
all, the last days when that kinda stuff gets worse.
I don't overcome
such deadly thoughts because I get lots of hugs; though the ones that I do get
are more and more and more appreciated.
I overcome
through Jesus.
I overcome
because the closer that I get to Him, the easier it is to overcome the nutballs
and navelgazers and naughty and...
Of course, if
you're even remotely related to Him, you know what I mean; and the closer, the
better and more, uh, overcoming.
That's why His
hang in.
He resurrects.
The big one comes
after the last breath.
But the littler
ones before then are really, really, really...reanimating.
Again, if you're
into Him, you know what I mean.
If not, stop
killing yourself; and you can do that by turning to Him right now and inviting
Him into your heart for the kinda surgery that really saves lives.
@#$%
@#$%
Suicidal thoughts
are always overcome by saving ones.
It's a Psalm
37:25 thing.
Look it/Him up
and you'll never stay down too long.
Sooner than
later.
Definitely in the
end.
@#$%
Blessings and Love!
2 comments:
Wow! EXCELLENT KD. You know, no one even had more reason to off himself than Jesus (His friends were all but terminally dense, his enemies, well they were more like the descendants of Abraham, that is beyond counting, than the descendants of Abraham. And, knowing the manner of death he would face, he surely could have found an easier way to leave this life behind). But he hung in there all the way until he, if you'll excuse the expression, was hung out on the cross. What has kept me from transforming terminal thoughts into terminal action is talking with him. Jesus, knowing the way I think/feel, always asks me, "What part of 'bearing your cross daily' made you think this life would be pie a' la mode 24/7? Remember that your worst moments/hours/days with me are better than your best moments/hours/days without me."
Jim
My father, a Princeton Seminary graduate and Presbyterian pastor, was hospitalized for severe depression in the early sixties at the Menninger Clinic. The psychiatrists asked him many times if he thought about suicide. He always told them he had not, although he told me that at the depth of his depression the only prayer he could pray was, "Lord, help me keep my faith." So his depression was very real.
The last time they asked him that question he replied, "No, my life is not mine to take. Jesus Christ purchased it at too high a price." They never asked him that again.
Post a Comment