Friday, August 31, 2012

Rumors About Pastor




Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)

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@#$%

    We just finished and dedicated our expansion and renovation.

    Of course, we're broke now; and I haven't been selling enough books to call Woodstock H-D and put a down payment on even a used Electra Glide Ultra Limited.

    BTW, do you have any leads on night security jobs in...?

    Anyway, if you've ever been in leadership of any kind in any kinda church, you know some folks in churches become rather, uh, naughty when the financial belt tightens.

    Psst.

    I can be euphemistic as well as hyperbolic.

    Be that as it is, there's a really, uh, uh, uh, interesting rumor circulating around the church these days: "Pastor Bob is removing all of the dishwashers!"

    When my inlaws/outlaws heard about it, they got really mad too; because they thought I was getting rid of all the kind souls who wash dishes after church dinners.

    Sigh.

    I mean if my own family...

    Help me, Jesus!

    Well, apparently, I'm being accused with anger of removing all of the Kenmores or Whirlpools or whatever they're called to raise money so I can call Woodstock H-D and...

    Whoa.

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    I was inspired/indigested to write about it: "Four Fresh Rumors at First About Pastor Bob!"

    I sent it to some friends:

        1. Pastor Bob must decide in 48 hours which new call
        he will accept: Associate Pope, Chief of Staff for Obama,
        or Secretary of State for Romney;

        2. Pastor Bob has made his administrative assistant and
        the church's financial secretary drain remaining reserves
        so he can buy a motorcycle from Woodstock H-D.  He is
        sooooooo egotistical, selfish, prideful, controlling,
        manipulative, and...  Did I get all of 'em?  Oh, I forgot
        sarcastic;

        3. Pastor Bob is having simultaneous affairs with Sarah
        Palin and Susan Sarandon.  There are pictures to prove it!
        Did you know he was also seen with the current Secretary
        of State at Burger King?  Or was it Alanis Morissette at the
        chicken place that Chicago's Mayor hates?  Did you know
        he and Sophia Loren have a love child?  He is sooooooo;

        4. Pastor Bob just died and ___ threw a party because that's
        been her/his cursing chant since...

        O.K., now the truth.

        The aforementioned is why he doesn't wear a helmet.

    One buddy in the same business read the above and wrote: "That would be funny, if it weren't so damn sad.  We all know it's the dues we pay for..."

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    Rumors.

    Lots about it in the Bible that the mongers ignore.

    They break one of the big ten; and breaking one of the big ten breaks the first few.

    They break everyone; except for those who live by John 3:19-21.

    Lion of Judah.

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Blessings and Love!

6 comments:

Eric Felack said...

The only rumor I have heard, which I find appalling, is that the minister is going around telling people that he is a good golfer !! --Eric F.

Chuck said...

It would be Biblical to call out the rumor-mongerers. I did it here and it shut down 90% plus of it. Of course, when the person about whom the rumors are flying isn't helping by refusing to tell the WHOLE truth about his issues, there is always the chance that more will bubble up from the cauldron of devil's brew.

As an elder in a previous congregation was fond of saying, "This smells of smoke and came from the pits of hell."

Treat it as such.

BTW, I listened to your message here last week just yesterday. I'm gonna start calling you "Peanuts"...because you're just so complimentary.

Ev said...

I heard that You, Pastor Bob, have been asked to be the spiritual Guru to PREXY OBAMA and to pray at his next inauguration and you are waiting for a copy of his testimony, before you reply.

Jinny said...

My understanding is that Pastor is selling his bike so he can spend more time on his crochetting.

Dr. Robert R. Kopp said...

Eric,

Hey! Hey! Hey! That one and the Sophia one are true!

Ella Jane said...

Bob,
People talk and unfortunately, even Christians gossip. Many of our congregation members and staff made a vow to not say anything if we cannot speak positively or in faith. Amazing how our talk changes our way of thinking!
Love you