Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)
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One of the things
that I liked about Richard Nixon was he resigned before destroying America.
I also liked how
he often said changing our minds is a sign of strength not weakness; noting how
he often changed his mind if warranted by fresh facts and new insights.
Taking his
advice, I voted for him once;
just like I did for Jimmy Carter.
Enthusiastically,
I joined the majority of Americans who elected them to first terms in the White
House; and then redirected my votes as they ran for second terms.
It brings to
mind...
Me.
I'm more messed
up than anyone who's ever been President.
Come to think of
it, realizing the time that I've spent far exceeds the time that I've got left,
I've been amending some words as I approach the table: "O Lamb of God, who
takes away the sins of the world, we thank You for mercies past, present, and
to come."
I know I really
need Jesus as Lord and Savior.
Including my own,
I know I fall short of everyone's expectations as a Christian, husband, father,
son, brother, pastor, presbyter, professor, police chaplain, and...you name it which you can if you know me.
Without question
and with increasing enthusiasm without equivocation, I praise God for Jesus
my/our Lord and Savior.
While I think I'm
closer to being who my antagonists advertise than my mom's gracious delusions,
I've always identified with the apostle: "I don't do the good that I want
to do. I do the bad that I don't want to do."
I can still
remember Bert Atwood's words back in seminary ringing sooooooo true for people
like me: "No matter how good we are or become, we'll never be good enough
not to need Jesus as Lord and Savior."
Amen!
I'm reminded of
Verne Clifford, an old farmer near the Delaware Water Gap on the border of
Pennsylvania and New Jersey, whose prayer before a Sunday dinner has been
repeated countless times since in my dailies: "I thank You, Lord, for
forgiving my past sins, present sins, and the sins that I will commit in the
future...through Jesus in whose name I pray."
Sadly, I've spent
too many years pretending to be better than God knows I know He knows I've ever
been.
I've been such a
hypocrite.
Instead of
admitting that I'm as or
probably more messed up than most other pulpiteers and pewsitters,
I've often posed fidelity for public consumption while insulting God's holiness
and injuring His people; bringing to mind a rhetorical challenge from those closest
to me that has often driven me to my knees: "Why don't you practice what
you preach?"
Ouch.
While don't ever
recall not knowing Jesus as Lord and Savior because of faithful parents and grandparents,
recalling Timothy's experience, I do know I was regenerated (i.e., born again again) during my time with
Eugene and three covenant brothers in Montana back in October 2011.
Parenthetically,
I really don't know what happened. It wasn't really anything that was
said or read or... It/He just happened. The only thing that makes
sense to me about that time is what Jesus said to Nicodemus: "You know
well enough how the wind blows this way and that. You hear it rustling
through the trees, but you have no idea where it comes from or where it's
headed next. That's the way it is with everyone 'born from above' by the
Wind of God, the Spirit of God."
I haven't been
able to get enough of God ever since - through worship and Bible reading and
prayer and sacrament and music and...
I want more and
more and more of Him...
Though I know He
knows I know He knows I'm just scratching the surface of my
relationship with Him after spending too many years in books about the book and
posing something/Someone that I didn't really, really, really know
personally, I've never felt more convinced, calm, courageous, and enthusiastic
about/for sharing Jesus.
While I've been
writing and lecturing and teaching and preaching about Christianity for years,
I realize my relationship with Jesus was much more academic and professional
and Matthew 15/23ish than
real and authentic and personal.
I knew lots about
Him; but I didn't really know Him that closely or intimately or really.
God knows I know
He knows I know, like Heinrich Bullinger exclaimed, He worked in spite of me
for almost four decades of professional pastoral ministry; and He knows I know
He knows I know sooooooo much
of it/me was for show.
Enough.
As bikers like to
say, if I have to explain that to you, you wouldn't get it anyway. You'd
be like me before October 2011.
Not that I'm that
much better now.
After sooooooo many years, I'm
just scratching the surface of what it means to love Him by following Him by loving like
Him.
I'm coming clean
and trying/praying to stay clean.
I've got a long
way to go; and, while calmer about it than ever before, I feel like I'm trying
to make up for wasted time.
Maybe that's why
I keep telling people that, barring my Grandpa Jacob's cancer genes or
assassination, retirement ain't on the radar. He knows I know He knows I
know I will not stop looking up, standing up, speaking up, and acting up for
Him in praise and gratitude for what He has done for me and what He has done
for others like me and what He can do for anyone who opens the door of her/his
heart at His knock.
I'm having too
much faith and fun to quit any time soon!
Truly, truly, truly, I
will die before I retire.
Again, I'm still
messed up.
As Paul would
say, I'm still working out
my salvation; or praying and trying to behave like I say I believe.
I would like to
share three of the ways that the Holy Spirit has helped me to start cleaning
up.
First, I
ask/expect His cleansing/deliverance in a Psalm 51 and Matthew 6:13 kinda way:
"Have mercy on me, O God...Blot out my transgressions...Wash me...Cleanse
me...Purge me...Teach me...Deliver me...Create in me a clean heart...Renew a
right spirit within me...Lead me not into temptation...Deliver me from the evil
one..."
Whenever I have
prayed that specifically about anything at anytime involving anyone, God has
helped me to stay clean.
Second, I
pray/try to live in a John 3:19-21 kinda way: "This is the judgment: the
light has come into the world...Everyone who hates the light does not come to
the light lest their deeds be exposed...Whoever does what is true comes to the
light..."
One of the ways
that I protect myself from sneaking around and diving into bad stuff is by
letting everyone know my passwords are Kopper, 1952, and drkopp.
Though drkopp is
in small letters, it expresses my pre-rebirthed Matthew 23ish professional clergy
arrogance; while acknowledging the revelation of my passwords doesn't affect
money that I don't have anyway anywhere with anyone and is just exposed so I
don't expose myself to things that could insult Him and injure His children.
Third, I pray/try
to get closer and closer and closer to Him through spiritual disciplines like
worship, Bible reading, sacrament, fasting, and so on in the realities of Psalm
22:3 and Galatians 2:20: "God inhabits the worship/praises of His
people...It is no longer I who live, but Jesus who lives in/through me..."
I'm reminded of
the pastor who said to me, "I can't understand why my church is so
unfriendly. I have been teaching them about how to be a friendly
church."
My response:
"You can't give away what you ain't got for yourself and you can't be
friendly like a follower of Jesus should be until you're so intimate with Him
that you start acting like Him in a Psalm 22:3 and Galatians 2:20 kinda
way."
Simply, the proof/evidence/signs/fruit
of being close to Jesus are preceded by being close to Jesus.
Or putting it
another way, if you is, you is; and if you ain't, you ain't.
People who are
close to Jesus act like it/Him - increasingly more than increasingly less.
Again, I'm still
messed up; but I am getting better.
I'm coming clean
and praying/trying to stay clean.
I'm not saying my
way is the best way.
I'm saying His
way for you is the best way.
Of course, before
you criticize my way of coming clean and praying/trying to stay clean, I'm
trusting you have heard His way for you: so you're not hearing Moody's echo
when criticized for how he did evangelism: "I prefer the way I'm doing it
to the way you're not doing it."
Selah.
@#$%
Blessings and Love!
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