Friday, February 14, 2014
"Have some of you noticed that we are not yet perfect?...I tried keeping rules
and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being
a 'law man' so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how,
and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with Him.
Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer
central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous
before you or have your good opinion, and I am no
longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me.
The life you see me living is not 'mine,' but
it is lived by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave Himself
I am not going to go back on that."
If you're reading this without reading the last edition ("Gerry Larson's Right!"), I doubt it will make much sense.
It may not make much sense even then.
It's a continuing parable or poem or...indigestion.
I've reached the conclusion that I will be scratching the surface of my relationship with Jesus by the book until I experience Him in a 1 Corinthians 13:12 kinda way.
I've had many renewing to regenerating moments along the way.
I'm still unpacking October 2011 with Eugene and my covenant brothers.
The last week - building upon what's recorded in the last edition along with the two recollections and revelation to follow - is the latest moment.
If you don't get it, it's O.K.
It's a Romans 8:26-30 thing.
MB of IHOP has often said, "Our staff at IHOP is allowed one 'God told me' a year."
Relating to his hyperbole to make a point, he's cautioning against the spiritualizing of auto-suggestion at the expense of revelation consistent with Jesus by the book.
This recollection is my way of saying the revelation to follow in concert with the last edition of KD may be inspired or may be indigested and may be relevant or may be irrelevant or...
Obviously, recording it means I'm thinking it may be helpful to others; by way of contradiction if nothing else.
Many, many, many years ago, while "senior" pastor of a very "important" church, I was interviewed for a very, very, very high profile para-denominational gig in California.
It wasn't offered to me.
Simply, I blew the interview; not because of what I said but because of who I was.
I'm not saying I'm that hot now; just admitting there's always been room for lots of improvement with now being no exception.
Explaining why they would search for someone else over lunch - ruining the best orange beef that I'd ever had in one of Hollywood's most notorious ethnic restaurants - Jerry not Gerry said, "You've got so many impressive academic credentials and executive experiences for somebody of your age; but while you talk about how to love people, we just don't get the sense that you really love them...personally."
It was true.
Many moments have ameliorated that since; but it was true then.
I loved the souls of people; but not people themselves.
I was not close enough to Jesus' heart to have a heart for them.
This recollection is my way of saying really loving people for Christ's sake is not possible until we are more than less intimate with Him in a Galatians 2:20 kinda way.
The up side is we begin to really, really, really love people like Jesus loves them; praying and laboring and wanting nothing but His best for them.
The down side is we begin to really, really, really love people like Jesus loves them; and suffer with Him in a Matthew 23:37-39 kinda way when they reject our praying and laboring and wanting nothing but His best for them by the book.
After my vision or dream or whatever (again, ya gotta go back to the last edition for context), I became very, very, very ill.
I thought it was a physical thing.
Soon, I realized it was a spiritual issue/challenge/opportunity/fork-in-the-road manifesting itself in a physical way.
I thought I was going to die.
I hadn't felt that physically awful since taking pain medication after a hernia operation and watching a ceiling fan turn into Dumbo and fly away over seven years ago.
It wasn't physical.
It was spiritual manifesting in the physical.
My heart had broken.
My heart had broken because of people who say they love Jesus yet treat each other with much less than His agape.
It was a cumulative effect of watching/experiencing that everywhere with everyone; including the mirror of my soul.
Everywhere with everyone about almost everything, I saw people who say they love Jesus treating each other with contempt, disrespect, discourtesy, disdain, disunity, irregularity, irascibility, and irreconcilability.
My soul's mirror reflected them more than Him.
I cried, "Lord, my heart is broken. My heart is broken by people who won't forgive and reconcile and sacrifice and invite and welcome and include and... My heart is broken because I have often acted too much like them... You have done so much for them and me and... My heart is broken for You."
He said, "I will mend your heart."
As my heart mends, my body follows.
While I know I will never get it/Him altogether until that 1 Corinthians 13:12 eventuality, getting closer to Him before then will mean increasingly intimate imitation.
If not, not.
Affirming the mysteries of predestination does not blind me to the consequences of volition.
Blessings and Love!