"As long as I'm alive in this body, there is good work for me to do.
If I had to choose right now, I hardly know which I'd choose.
The desire to break camp here and be with Christ is powerful.
Some days I can think of nothing better.
But most days,...I am sure that it's better for me to stick it out here.
So I plan to be around awhile...
Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally.
I've found the recipe...
I can make it through anything in/through...Jesus."
Father, thank You for allowing me to know Your creative pleasures.
Jesus, thank You for saving me from myself.
Spirit, thank You for never leaving me even when I have done my worst to leave You.
I don't understand You.
You are Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; and I am not close to Your character, being, and all of who You are that my humanity cannot come close to grasping in all of Your glory.
I'm just scratching the surface of my relationship with You; and I have been born again and again and again and...from above...so many times.
My sojourn and rebirthing will not end until we have that first moment after time and preceding paradise; even then, I have few clues.
You have always been trustworthy.
You have always come through for me in the promises of Psalm 91.
My trust in You for then and now and then is categorical.
I just - that word is so lame, Lord, yet it kinda works here in expressing what I really can't - want to thank You for the amazing graces that have brought so much pleasure to me for so long. I cannot begin to envision or dream what's coming after that last breath. Sounds/seems heavenly.
Looking back, now, and forward, the mysteries of Your predestination have not blinded me to the consequences of my volition.
I have made many bad choices; yet You have turned my mistakes into miracles because of Your promises to shepherd boy hearts.
When I asked to come home, You said, "Not done."
It was a Christlike moment for me - heartbroken by the insults to Your holiness and injuries to Your people by people just like and including me.
Indeed, Lord, as I have scratched and crawled and begged increasing intimacy with You, I have felt Your love, pain, pleadings, and...redemptions.
My angers have turned to sorrows.
My passion for Your holiness even when I fall and fail and counter-exemplify increases.
I am changing.
I just - again, Lord, sorry about that word - want You to know I want to be Yours from now on in all things at all times in all places with all people.
And I want You to know, I really, really, really want to even when I talk/act/look like I don't want to...
I want to want to want to...be only for You.
So help me...Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
While, again, not getting completely what it/You mean by it or anything else, I pray this in the precious, priceless, and permanently saving name of Jesus.
Blessings and Love!
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