Monday, June 6, 2016

Slices



Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)

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    Belvidere is my home.

    There's no other place on the planet that I'd rather live.

    Seriously.

    Though there are some people in town who'd like to see me crash and burn because I won't wear their helmets and enable their idolatries, people who know me know I've never been happier aka "fulfilled" as an undershepherd to the Good Shepherd on the corner of Lincoln and Main.  First's family really prays and tries to love Jesus by loving like Jesus and seems determined to overcome the religious diseases mentioned by Jesus in Matthew 15 and 23.  That's why I'm not bashful about adopting people into our family; and if they can't stand me because there are lots of reasons for that, I'm also not bashful about recruiting for other parts of the family in town with undershepherds who really love Jesus by the book.  If you're looking for a place to grow and glow for Jesus, you're invited and will be welcomed, included, and loved on the corner of Lincoln and Main; and if you can't stand me because there are lots of reasons for that, I'm eager to point you to other undershepherds and parts of the extended family in Belvidere and Boone County.  Truly, truly, truly, I wouldn't want anyone to wander off into one of those churches with professional clergy pretending a relationship with Jesus by the book that is only coincidental.

    Have you ever noticed some pastors and churches talk more about being Baptist, Catholic, Presbyterian, Methodist, Episcopalian, Pentecostal, Lutheran, independent, or whatever than they talk about Jesus?

    If you're in one of those churches, get out as fast as you can before they make you twice as fit for...

    Anyway, before Belvidere and Boone County became my home, I always considered Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania to be home.

    The pizza is still better.

    Waaaaaaay better.

    Really.

    Comparing "Chicago Style" pizza to the pizza of Northeastern Pennsylvania is like comparing the White Sox to the Cubs...or Mets to the Yankees; and if I have to explain that to you, you wouldn't understand anyway.

    Of course, if you don't know the difference because you've never had the privilege to taste the difference, you're like Democrats for Hillary and Republicans for Donald.

    Ignorant.

    You're excused because you just don't know any better.

    Ignorance is an excuse; and it's killing America and her churches.

    Sooooooo except for pizza and my parents and sister, which I overdose on whenever I go back, I'm home in Belvidere.

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    I had a few other slices while away.

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    Wayne texted me: "Just read 800,000 people have signed a petition to punish the parents who weren't paying attention as their child fell into the gorilla exhibit; precipitating the execution of the endangered relative to save their son.  Wonder how many of those would sign a petition to quit killing unborn babies!  Our world in a nutshell!"

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    Jeff wrote about a friend who really thinks America would be better off with a socialist as President.

    While capitalism has many flaws, I don't know many Americans who'd rather live in...

    I see lots of people trying to get in.

    Lots.

    Isn't that why Donald wants to build a wall?

    Capitalism recognizes selfishness as only natural; while socialism assumes an altruistic instinct.

    Capitalists are realists.

    Everybody wants more.

    It's natural.

    Capitalists tap into that; and America, the poster child of capitalism, is more benevolent that any other country on the face of the earth.  We give away more money to help more people around the world than anybody else and we take better care of our own people than other countries take care of theirs.

    I didn't say perfectly.

    I said better.

    Except for sycophantic fans hallucinating about Hillary and Donald, there's always lots of room for improvement.

    Socialists have two feet planted firmly in the air; and when you look into their eyes, you can't tell if they're having a vision of God or didn't make it to the potty in time.

    Kinda like looking at Presbyterians or Methodists or Lutherans or Democrats or Republicans or...

    Yeah, socialism is quite consistent with Jesus and the book; but for it to work, the natural will have to submit to the spiritual and that will only happen if the overwhelming majority of citizens are born anothen.

    In other words, fahhhhgettaboutit!  Ain't gonna happen!

    Why would we abandon what's working for something that's never worked?

    It's like Moody told the mainliner who complained about the way that he did evangelism: "I prefer the way I do it to the way you don't do it."

    Anyway, Jeff said his friend was being very argumentative about it.

    He asked how I deal with such people.

    I wrote, "Brother, two quick thoughts: (1) Never get into a pissing contest with a skunk; and (2) Trying to be rational with the irrational is illogical."

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    On the other hand, can you believe it's coming down to Hillary and Donald?

    Unlike Ben and Bernie who may be ideological opposites yet share the uncommon trait of this Presidential cycle as the only candidates who've always said what they've meant and always meant what they've said, I have no idea what Hillary means/says because her principles are dictated by immediate audiences, focus groups, and fashion polls while Donald is trying to shed his past as a reincarnation of Ronald Reagan without couth.

    Hillary is a pathetically pandering pathological liar who is the poster child for political correctness on crack.

    She enabled a serial sexual predator, labored tirelessly to ruin the lives of Billy's conquests, takes money for herself under the guise of a charitable foundation from sworn enemies of America and Israel, uses her cellular with the responsibility of an 8th grader, and bears responsibility with her boss for putting American military lives at risk around the world by incompetent omissions and political commissions.

    As Dennis Miller lamented, "I see only two ways to vote.  For Clinton.  Not for Clinton."

    Donald is a pathologically arrogant poster child for political incorrectness on steroids who reminds me of those "Christian" youth organizations that cater to socioeconomically privileged pretty preppies and nobody else.  I don't know what he really believes despite claims of a recent Reaganesque conversion.  He reminds me of, uh, silicone...if you know what I mean.

    Even people who are increasingly fierce in supporting him have no clue about what he really believes about, uh, anything.

    At best, a vote for Donald is rolling the dice with the future of America.

    Sooooooo are you going to vote for a criminal or gamble?

    Are you going to dance with the devil you know or...?

    Or as my buddy Dan said yesterday as I lamented the choices on the ballot, "I guess these two are just the cream of the crap."

    On the other hand, I haven't read anything anywhere in the Bible about voting for the lesser of two evils.

    The lesser of two evils is still, uh, evil.

    Since when is that a "moral" choice for somebody trying to follow Jesus by the book?

    I know that's big with situational ethicists; but I can't seem to reconcile that kinda logic with, uh, Jesus.

    Is it really wasting a vote to vote for someone, uh, who is more consistent with American values and Jesus?

    Would Jesus say it's wasting a vote?

    BTW, if you're voting for the lesser of two evils, I wonder where you woulda been standing when Jesus was...

    Ouch.

    I guess I'll vote for Ben; or maybe even Bernie.

    What?

    Bernie?

    I've had a crush on Susan Sarandon since Rocky Horror and she's feelin' the Bern.

    Besides, maybe it's better to dream with Bern than burn with...

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    Two Jacks is a motorcycle shop in Wilkes-Barre.

    Big signs at the entrance.

    No firearms!

    No Pets!

    No smoking!

    No loitering!

    Annnnnnnd nobody from HOG!

    Metrics.

    Europe.

    Have you ever seen those guys riding 'em?

    They look like stuntmen for those Japanese Godzilla movies.

    Enough said.

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    Two Jacks is taking a slice out of the 2nd Amendment.

    Unlike a San Bernardino survivor, they've learned nothing about life in a fallen world: "The only way to stop bad guys with guns is good guys with guns."

    While picking up my non-resident Pennsylvania CCL, I met a woman who was renewing her resident CCL.

    She had to be around the same age as my parents.

    I asked why.

    She said, "My friend was mugged and murdered five years ago by a recidivist.  I decided right there and then that it wasn't going to happen to me or anyone I care about.  Did you know the police don't prevent violence against law-abiding citizens?  Did you know they only respond after the crime has been committed?  Did you know people who have CCLs are totally registered with the police as trained and responsible and only criminals aren't?  Don't people realize that if the 2nd Amendment falls, only bad people will have guns and we'll be totally at their mercy?  What's wrong with people?"

    I said, "They're ignorant, stoned, or watching Europeans employed by CNN to tell Americans how much better it is over there despite the people over there willing to jump over walls to get in here."

@#$%

    It reminds me of a meeting with the new super before I left home for what used to be my home.

    We talked about the new potty laws in America.

    Men.

    Women.

    Not sure.

    Help us, Jesus!

    Some well-meaning cleric said, "Well, in Europe..."

    A braveheart with some common sense blurted, "We don't live in Germany."

    Have you ever seen...?

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    Cinema 309 is a dirty book/filmstore in Wilkes-Barre.

    Waiting for my son who was lifting weights, I decided to sit in my car and profile the customers as I watched them slither into...

    Ugh.

    Finally, some sleazeball came to my car and noticed the badge hanging from my rearview mirror: "Are you on a stakeout or something?"

    He couldn't see it was my police chaplain badge.

    I said, "I'm a Kopp."

    Well, I am a...

    Of course, verbally, it sounds like...

    He left without going in.

    Apocalyptic remembrance!

    I got an idea from a meeting long ago at the White House Executive Building.

    James Dobson said the easiest way to shut down those kinda places is to have Church women's groups go inside of 'em and see for themselves how their gender is being...

    Yeah, organize field trips!

    Get it?

    If not, you're like those mindless drones for Hillary and Donald.

    Ignorant.

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    No matter how ya slice it, some things taste better than other things.

    Some things are better for ya than others.

    Yeah, ignorance is an excuse.

    That's how we've ended up with Hillary and Donald.

    It's killing America...no matter how ya slice it.

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Blessings and Love!

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Look up!  Stand up!  Speak up!  Act up for Jesus!
Salt!  Shine!  Leavenate!


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