Wednesday, September 7, 2016

My Visit to Avanti Cigar Company

Kopp Disclosure
(John 3:19-21)




My Visit to Avanti Cigar Company


While watching Freud smoke a fat one, Jung chirped,
“Sigmund, you’ve said cigars are phallic symbols.”

Freud retorted, “You’re right; but they’re also cigars.”


            Coming as a big shock to the people of Delaware, Joe Biden says Scranton, Pennsylvania is his home.

            I guess he’s not learned a thing or two from wazzername trying to succeed his boss in D.C.

            Well, maybe, he’s not that far off.

            I grew up in the Wilkes-Barre–Scranton area of NE Pennsylvania; and while I hope nobody remembers my less-than-stellar moments in those formative years, I always like going back to see my parents, sister, and relatives while insisting the cuisine, especially pizza, is unparalleled.

            Yeah, my home, to the chagrin of atheists and agnostics and denominational jingoists and religious imperialists who think they’ve got the right to turn people away from the table that the Lord Himself invited and the people who left the church after I took it from ‘em and gave it back to Jesus, is Belvidere, Illinois until I’m assassinated or Grandpa Jacob’s cancer genes kick in.


            Don’t tell anyone – our government isn’t because they don’t think we’re mature enough to handle truth and would go Miley Cyrus if we knew what they know and won’t warn us so we could exercise some of the Bill of Rights and protect ourselves – but I could be knocked off by an Islamofascistnutball savage because they’re targeting Christians in the hinterlands.

            Soft targets in an increasingly soft…

            Unlike wazzername’s husband who lies too, I inhaled in my senior year at Wyoming Valley West; but quit before college because I wasn’t getting much work done and spent too much money at Burger King while wazzername’s husband was spending too much money at McDonald’s.

            Never into cigarettes, I smoked a pipe while studying in Germany; because I liked it and it improved my grades if you know what I mean.

            I switched to cigars a few years later because I had to carry around too much pipe stuff, was burning holes in my shirts and ties, Dr. McCord smoked cigars and he was P of my seminary as well as the World Alliance of Reformed Churches, a guy in Kansas City gave a box of Cubans to me every December 26 over dinner, and, uh, well, uh, I just, uh, like the taste.

            When I was making the switch, I also remembered a cigar company in Scranton that makes the best little 100% U.S. selected tobacco sticks that I’d always really liked. 

            Parodi cigars.

            During my recent retreat home – missed Joe who was there a week earlier to tell homeys that they should vote for wazzername because wazzhisname is such a, uh, donkey as if she weren’t such a, uh,… - I decided to visit the factory after savoring a Parodi after savoring a superior slice from Serpico’s.


            I like Serpico’s; and just about every other pizza joint in Wyoming Valley.  I just happened to have eaten one of their better than anything out here in Chicagoland imitations.  So kudos to Serpico’s and the rest of the best on the planet.

            I called and receptionist Renee arranged for plant manager Andrew to provide a tour.

            Avanti has been around since 1901 when Dominic Anthony and Frank Suraci came from Italy to produce a product and legend loved by the likes of Frank Sinatra, Francis Ford Coppola, and, uh, non-best-selling author and iconoclastic pastor, uh, me.

            You can go to or write to for more history, a catalogue of selections, introduction to their unique process as the only producer of dry-cured cigars in America using only American-grown tobacco from Kentucky and Tennessee, and ordering.

            I’m writing about the visit for five reasons.

            First, if you’re into cigars, there are no better products on the face of the earth at such astonishingly reasonable prices.  While I’ve always been a traditional Parodi guy, I smoked one of their new Parodi Specials with Andrew after my tour and I’ve never smoked anything better from anywhere at any price.  It’s not too strong and not that mild and just about right!

            Second, like it or not, I’ve added Renee and Andrew to my mailing list because they are patriots and exemplify the best of a vanishing work ethic in America.  Indeed, I was overwhelmed by the positive pride, competence, care, quality, ethics, and longevity of the employees as most have worked for Avanti for decades.  Several have been on line for as long as I’ve been ordained (5/8/77)!

            Third, recalling Avanti was started by Italian immigrants and recently majority-owner purchased by a parent company in Italy, I was reminded that America is the only country that has woven different ethnicities into a cooperative and mostly harmonious fabric of citizenship.  America is great because it has blended the qualities of diversity into a unity of passion for life, liberty, and the common pursuit of happiness.  BTW, America got the idea from God!  Check out Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12 juxtaposed to our Constitution for some hints.

            Fourth, I like my home away from home and I’m proud of ‘em in a Christian kinda way.

            Fifth, again, I like their products and like to tell people about good stuff.

            The plant is being renovated in the coming months to add a boutique, smoking parlor, museum, and opportunities for more tours of part of America’s roots and possibilities for the future.

            If Renee and Andrew don’t mind, I will stop by when next visiting the upper-octogenarians, inlaws, and outlaws, place a direct order, share a smoke, and thank God that there are Genesis 18 folks left in America who still look forward with a foundation built upon the best of our past.


Blessings and Love!



Look up! Stand up! Speak up! Act up for Jesus!



1 comment:

Dan G said...

I FWD your piece to my friend Hugh Hewitt who now broadcasts from DC during East Coast drive time. He was REP debate moderator during Primary and took a nasty shot from bully Trump