Sex, Cellulars, and Funerals

Kopp Disclosure

(John 3:19-21)

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Sex, Cellulars, and Funerals

“Whatever you want others to do for you,

do also the same for them.”

Jesus

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          I am a sexist.

          I got it from God.

          Check it/Him out: “He created them male and female.”

          Not uni or trans or…

          Male.

          Female.

          Distinctly different yet complementary.

          Or as I’ve often thought, “My wife is a much better mother than I can ever be and I am a much better father than she can ever be.”

          The Bible is indisputably categorical on gender value equality.

          The Bible – not to mention common sense because the Bible is always more apocalyptic on God’s prescriptions for existential and eternal harmony – is indisputably categorical on gender function diversity.

          Again, to illustrate, my wife is a much better mother than I can ever be and I am a much better father than she can ever be; recognizing people who can’t see that are akin to those who claim elephants are mice with glandular problems.

          Only an incredibly and lamentably dense, deluded, or drunk on something person cannot see the obvious emotional and physical distinctives; affirming a general intellectual and spiritual parity.

          Men do not require Playboy or marriage counseling to see/experience the differences; and women do not require NOW, Ashley Judd, Madonna, Oprah or marriage counseling to see/experience the differences.

          Parenthetically, at this point, I expect the myopic to mention exceptions to the preceding.

          I agree with exceptions to the rules; which is why I am a 99.99% pro-lifer and reluctantly appeal to rarely used Fletcherian situation ethics as rationalization.

          Note bene!

          Exceptions to the rules are called exceptions to the rules because they occur so infrequently that they are called exceptions to the rules; which means nations, churches, families, and all of the below are prudent when they follow the rules while admitting there are exceptions to the rules.

          Getting back to my sexism.

          I still believe it’s the manly thing to open car doors for women, allow women to order first in restaurants, seat women before men, insure their comfort before mine, let women be first in line, and hold to a ladies before gentlemen ethic.

          It’s like common courtesies.

          I still believe it’s right to take off your hat while eating in a restaurant, say please and thank you, don’t rip on/off a waiter or waitress for a bad meal that they didn’t prepare and don’t punish them with a terrible tip, and don’t belch, fart, or pick your noise in front of people.

          While some suggest there are exceptions to those rules with the allowance that some people are just too ignorant to know any better because someone didn’t keep their baptismal promises, the basic rule for harmonious living comes from God who should know what works best for us because He made us: “Whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them.”

          Cellular harassment comes to mind.

          It’s ignorant at best and selfish as usual when people don’t power ‘em off during a funeral, wedding, graduation, or the like.

          At a recent funeral in our church, cellulars went off several times from people sitting in the front row; and while I sensed some shame by their nervous giggles – and they were even older than me – it happened a few more times and interrupted music, prayers, testimonies, Bible lessons, homily, commendations, committals, and all the rest.

          Really, I don’t want to hear somebody’s ringtone of “Goodbye, Earl!” or “This is the End” or “Sweet Home Alabama” or even the Stones during a funeral and who needs “Send in the Clowns” or “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?” or “Let’s Give Them Something to Talk About” during weddings.

          Frankly, I’ve had it.

          I’m tired of the disrespect to the dearly departed and their families and the bride and groom and their families not to mention God who deserves lest we forget demands reverence with a rule for loving others that is akin to loving Him in a Matthew 25 kinda way: “Whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them.”

          So I’m going to ask the officers of our family of faith to encourage me to announce all funerals, weddings, and liturgies are “unplugged” services.

          I’m going to ask their permission to announce something like this a few minutes before things get going: “This service is an ‘unplugged’ service at the request of the family and with respect to God who has called us to this sacred moment.  So out of respect for God and the family, please pull out your cellulars and power them off.  Of course, if you need yours on because you don’t want to miss the rapture or something, it’s probably not going to happen for you anyway!”

          As I always told my homiletics students, “Use a little humor to stick in the knife of truth before twisting it.”

          I got the “unplugged” idea from Bethany and John back in 2016 when I presided at their wedding in Buffalo.  They had signs on the way to seating that announced the nuptial as an “unplugged” service and then asked me to make that announcement about ten minutes before the prelude.  Thankfully, everyone seemed relieved about the announcement and no one complained; though I sensed panic from those whose celluars are cyberspaced-out opioids or something.

          Of course, we wouldn’t have to mention any of this if we followed the rule more than enabling exceptions: “Whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them.”

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Blessings and Love!

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Shatter the sound of silence!

Wake up!  Look up!  Stand up!  Speak up!  Act up for Jesus!

Salt!  Shine!  Leavenate!

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